Sunday, 14 June 2009

Little April Rose Final Update

I find this whole mess sickening. I realise (based on previous comments to my previous posts on this topic) that perhaps I do not have a forgiving heart. I apologise upfront if what I am going to say offends any of my readers.. I truly do, but after much consideration and thought I have decided that I need to get this out... think of it this way..

This blog is my journal - as so many are - and because of that, I need to note in my journal all the things that are playing on my soul, be they big or small.. and so based on that, I need to get this post off my chest.. here goes.

Today, for the first time since this story broke, there has been an update from B, "April's Mom". It is, of course, exactly what you would expect from someone who has just had a web of lies and deceit uncovered..it is very apologetic..but it also has an undertone for something that is a pet-hate of mine.

In one breath she says she needs to take responsibility for her actions, and then in the next breathe she goes on to speak about how she has had a difficult life and suffered a loss in the past.

This kind of thing really annoys me.. and I will tell you why (I am about to share, on a small scale, a piece of me that is usually only reserved for those in my inner circle - it is a giant leap of faith for me to blog about this)..

Here it is..

I did not have a happy childhood. Although my time spent with my Mother were the best days of my life, the time I spent with my father, step-mother and step-sister were some of the blackest times of my life. My father and I did not have a happy, loving or trusting relationship. My step-mother resented me for a number of reasons. The only joy I had in that house was my step-sister (I love you A - you made so many miserable years bearable). Enough said on that topic, you get the idea.. anyway, what I am trying to get at is this..

So many people in today's society get away with bad behaviour (to put it mildly) and then, when they get caught, they blame this behaviour on their unhappy childhood, or that they were abused. This makes me see red - It is unforgivable, in my book, to blame anyone else for our bad behaviour.

I waited much later than most to have my children.. why? Because I spent years worrying that I would take the behaviour I learnt as a child and use it to raise my children the same way, and that thought frightened me.. terrified me.. Until I met Adam, and with his strength and help I realised that I have nobody to blame for my behaviour but myself. It is a conscious decision I make every day to not use violence against my children - to not let my temper get out of control because that is not the type of mommy I want to be - I never want to see my children look at me with fear in their eyes. Respect yes.. but fear no!

My weakness is that I may be too lenient with them as compensation for the fear I felt as a child...that is something I work on all the time..

And so instead of me feeling more forgiving and less resentful towards her, I now find that I have lost any respect for her. I think that many of the things she said in her apology post today were done so purely for manipulation purposes and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I do not wish her anything bad, but I truly hope she can grow enough as a person to acknowledge that she has nobody to blame for her behaviour but herself.. She made the conscious decision every time she blogged to lie and deceive so many good people who were praying for her.

If you wish to read her apology, click here

3 comments:

ABCDE=Party of 5 for ME! said...

I didnt take your post to heart, although I have forgiven her. On many levels I agree with your post, and understand where you're coming from. I wasnt/am not sure if she was offering up a "reason" for what she did or trying to make excuses. Thats where my faith in God comes in. I decided its not up to me to question her motives, and that its between her and God. I forgave her.

Now.... on to your second message in your post. YES I 10000000 percent agree with you that people today think they arent responsible for their own actions and because of today's society choose to blame everyone else for their actions. Whether you want to blame vaccines for autism, your government for poor financial management, or your parents for whatever reason.... those are just parts of a bigger picture. We can and do choose to react or reason out on every decision we make on a daily basis. I'm so proud that you've chose to be above your upbringing.... I've had a similar moment... I was never abused but have dealt with parental favoratism for as long as I can remember.... It wasnt until I saw it happening with my own children (my parents showing favoritism between them) that I chose to walk away from the situation. I was terrified to have more than one child because I was afraid FOR YEARS that I would treat my children differently like i "learned" as a child. Well guess what, like YOU I made that concious decision NOT TO BE LIKE MY MOM... and have really strived to make sure i'm "fair" and "equal"... and like you... almost to the other extreme! So if I did fall into the footsteps of my relatives in the past, would that be their fault? HECK NO... I have no one to blame but myself. My story does have a semi happy ending though, while walking away from my parents hurt me deeply and was one of the hardest things i've ever done... alot of good has come out of it, I'm now closer to my almost 4 year old than I thought possible (She was my mom's favorite and always compared her as my "mini-me" so imagine my feelings when my own mom, who doesnt like ME... chose the one child that reminded her most like ME when I was little as her "favorite"!)... anyways, now B and I are closer, I love the person she's becoming... and dont find myself cringing when she asks for "more cuddle time" or "one more kiss goodnight"! WIN WIN I tell ya!

As for B... she has asked for forgiveness, and she has received it (at least from me and God)... but she will be responsible for her actions, and the consequences of her actions and decisions will follow her for the rest of her life. Forgiveness doesnt mean she doesnt have to pay for her "sins" just that they dont have power over her anymore ;)

Sorry about the book! I didnt want to come accross as being angry or thinking you're "wrong" because that isnt my intention at all! :)

Hugs!
Dawn

Ninnles said...

The Truth will out, it always does. I can never understand people who use lies (especially of this magnitude) to gather friends. I feel sorry for them though and I understand your anger. Forgive her... you don't have to like her just let the anger go. What good does it do?
I love your passion by the way, never let that go!

Caron said...

I hope she grows warts on her backside man. She's a criminal!!!!!.... There should be consequences for this kind of fraud!!!! xxxx