Tuesday 13 March 2012

Bunny Boilers, Stalkers and Psychos


There seem to be so many bunny boilers around at the moment...

In the past month I picked up a stalker.  I am not exaggerating...  The VERY short version went like this:

Met a chick... Made it very clear that I do not want to be exclusive with her.. Also made it very clear that I was not looking for a relationship of any sort, and that I was dating other people.  Fooled around with her for 5 days.  On day 6 I told her that we could not get together that night because I had other plans - enter the bunny boiler!

Starts accusing me of sleeping with people I have never even met - I am good, but getting laid by someone I have never met is beyond even my fabulosity.  The abusive and aggressive text messages start here.  She drives past my house on numerous occasions to see who is visiting me.  Sends me messages about hiding cars in my garage so as to pull the wool over her eyes - Say What??? 

Firstly, we never dated, we only fooled around for a few days.  Secondly I am a 36-year-old woman, I do not need to hide anything from anyone.  Thirdly, the person who was actually at my house visiting that evening is now my girlfriend - Thankfully, all the communication that went back and forth between the Bunny Boiler and myself from this point on was witnessed by Zel (the afore-mentioned girlfriend).

The Bunny Boiler then starts threatening people to stay away from me, that they are not allowed to be friends with me - and all the time she is doing this, she is lying through her teeth.  She tells me one thing, and tells the other party a completely different story.  However, she is so far gone, and so delusional that she actually believes her own lies... it is something to witness, I will tell you that much..

She continues to stalk me, bumping into me in shopping centres, driving up and down my road.  She is bipolar though, because one minute she is all sweet and kind, and the next threatening me again.  It gets to the point where I am literally scared for my safety.  I call my security company and give them her car details as well as a personal description of her - the next time she threatened me I told her to leave me alone.  To never contact me again.  And I told her that I had given her details over to my security company... Her response was: "When I am done with you, you will need more than just a security company for protection".

So by this point I am completely freaked out... I can't sleep anymore... noises in my house or on my property make me jumpy.  I worry that she will come for me at a time of day when she knows I am alone... and when nobody will think anything of it if they don't hear from me for a while..

The last time she threatened me I sat up crying and scared the whole night.. At 4am Zel woke up to me losing my mind and fearing for my safety.  At which point my long suffering girlfriend had now had enough.  Zel then proceeds to tell the Bunny Boiler to stop picking on me and to rather pick on someone her own size.. and strength...like Zel...  She was warned very clearly that this must now come to an end.  Since then, I have not heard from her or been threatened again - this was almost a week ago...

Which brings me to my point...

Most stalkers and bunny boilers are merely playground bullies who never grew up.  I know that by me blogging this I may be opening myself up to further abuse by my particular bully, but the time has come for us to stand up against this kind of abuse and threats.  Bullies get their kicks out of your fear... and they feel safe in your silence. 

Well I for one will not stay silent.  Too many of our children are the victims of abuse in schools, and I believe that it is up to us to show them that there is nothing to be ashamed of, that you cannot let your fear keep you muzzled.  Most bullies retreat when met with resistance - as mine has done since Zel stood up to her.  I am still frightened of her, but I will not let fear dominate my life.  I for one am speaking out..

Lead by example!

19 comments:

Jay said...

I can’t help but feel empathy for the lessons that you are currently learning. Unfortunately, as liberating as it must be to finally fall out of the closet and live your truth... the reality that the gay community does not exist purely out of rainbow-shitting-cupids is a hard one to come to terms with.
Sure, we all parade together once a year, drive cars with our rainbow-coloured stickers and proudly wear our leather straps, but regrettably our community seems to have a very immature nature about it. Yes, yes – before all of you freak out – I know that I am generalising... but hear me out. Why is it that within South Africa this is the first post that I have seen regarding standing up against bullies? Why does it take a Newby to point out a very real issue? And why is it, that within our country we have very little, if any support for LGBT relating issues? I personally think that it may very well be, that most of us have our heads so far stuck up our own asses, that we fail to see the importance of service and support, without expectations and conditions.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
WHOO-HOO I MADE IT ONTO YOUR BLOG!!
IF ONLY YOU TOLD THE WHOLE TRUTH HERE! I AM NOT YOUR STALKER ALTHOUGH I SERIOUSLY THINK YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO BE! YOUR ACCUSATIONS ARE GONNA GET YOU IN HOT WATER YOU FREAK AND JUST SO YOU KNOW..I'M NOT THREATENED BY YOU NOR ZEL OR WHOMEVER, I CHOSE TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU FOR MY OWN SANITY AS YOU ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN YOURSELF YOU ARE WITHOUT A DOUBT SO DELUSIONAL AND FUCKED UP IT SCARES EVEN YOUR KIDS!! SO YEAH KERREN WHAT YOU LEAD ME TO BELIEVE HAS MADE ME FEAR EVERY STRAIGHT TURNED GAY FEMALE ON EARTH!! YOU ARE BY FAR THE WORST PERSON I HAVE EVEN BEEN WITH AND I THANK GOD THAT I WAS RESCUED FROM YOUR EVIL CLUTCHES BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE!! I REALLY DO NOT THINK YOU SHOULD FEAR ME...FEAR YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU ARE YOUR OWN WORST ENEMY!! YOU ARE THE BIPOLAR ONE CAUSE THE FIRST NIGHT I MET YOU, YOU WERE CRYING YOUR EYES OUT...THE NEXT MINUTE YOU AS HAPPY AS A PIG IN SHIT BECAUSE I FUCKED YOUR BRAINS OUT!!! TO ME YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SLUT SO I ASK YOU WHO THE FUCK WOULD WANNA STALK A CHEAP SLUT!! GET WITH IT GIRL...YOU DEFINITELY AIN'T WORTH THIS MUCH EFFORT!! ENJOY YOUR CRAZY FUCKUP LIFE AND IF YOU EVER CONTACT ME AGAIN I WILL CONTINUE WITH THE CHARGES I HAVE LAID AGAINST YOU, ZEL AND YOUR NEW FUCK VANESSA !!

13 March 2012 09:01

Leave your comment

Kerren said...

Thanks for your comments Jay - as always they are wise words born from experience.

To the rest of my readers, you will see that the second comment is from the Bunny Boiler herself. As mentioned in my blog, I knew I would be opening myself up to further abuse, but I still stand by my choice to go public and to no longer live in fear...

You be the judge based on what she has written..

At least now if anything were to happen to me, it would not be such a puzzle as to where to start looking.

I will stand in my truth against bullying of any form.

Kerren

Jay said...

Who's an Angry Bunny....?
Here bunny-bun-bunnnn

Anonymous said...

Hey Jay, you obviously fucked her too!! I pity you! Kerren you remain pathetic girl!!

Kerren said...

I apologise for the language used in the comments, but I believe it important to leave her comments the way they are written.

In future, if any comments are made with this kind of language on my blog, they will be deleted.

Kerren

Anonymous said...

Kerren, just by the way...I wouldn't waste my time on scum like you!! You seem to forget I am very well connected within the gay community and I will reveal the truth that you are nothing but a lying cheap slut!! You see, I am not your playmate and I will not allow you to continue to lie about me!! Venus, Kayce and a lot of well known gay icons will also make this quite clear to you too!! We will all degrade you in the same manner in which you are attempting to degrade me! So do yourself a favor and get the facts straight here before you live to regret your choice of blogging!!

Anonymous said...

I'm done with you and your pathetic blog!! Get a life Kerren and stay out of mine!!

Jay said...

Somebody clearly pooped on your carrot this morning... It’s ok chick – I understand that it’s the voices in your head that made you do it.
Saying that, you should consider having a little conference with yourselves... Being the first to jump on the bandwagon by being able to identify your own insanities through a blog that mentioned no names and physical descriptions, takes a special kinda special.
Have a lovely day 

Anonymous said...

Hi Jay :)

It's not just in SA that there are issues with bullying and people staying silent in the gay community, it happens here in UK (affectionately known as mud island) and undoubtedly everywhere.

There is no support for newly 'out' gays or lesbians, we bar far do not support each other. It's like a competition, after 15 years of being openly gay I am yet to find out what this competition is - I am not interested.

I do not nor will ever understand the 'gold star lesbian' concept, but then I am not a bra burning femminist (each to their own). I have male friends to shock horror to many lesbians, it even destroyed a relationship years back. I am not a gold star lesbian, I have slept with men in my younger days, but that makes me nor Kerren any less gay, does it? No I think not, maybe that means we had a different upbringing, one not so open about different sexualities. Actually this blog is quite apt I am about to do a study on social exclusion and transgender identity... But I digress... Support each other, love everyone, hate gets you no where ask Hitler.

Excuse spelling etc I am replying from my phone.

Lyds xx

Anonymous said...

Ooopss someone forgot to turn CAPS lock off, too busy frothing at the mouth I suspect.

What the hell is "straight turned gay"? I didn't think it was a choice, like shall I have cereal or bacon for breakfast or, what colour pants shall I wear today? My straight ones? Or my gay ones? Maybe my purple spotty ones... Gay, straight, lesbian, a-sexual, green bean eater, whatever sexuality everyone has a right to discover their true identity, as I said above sometimes discovering who you are takes a lifetime.

I have known Kerren for quite some time now and wow has she changed, blossomed, grown stronger. Is it this strength you wish to supress? Deny her? Jealous of? Shame and pity on you... And your well connections in the gay community? That just makes you a grape on a very sour vine love, read comments above... Nobody supports anyone, not without a knife in the back to gain leverage. Gay icon lol I bet one has really short grey hair and either wears lot of leather and straps, or wont be seen in public without her iconic vest top. Pray to Venus, What made them an icon? Did they solve a World crisis? No. Perhaps became a martyr for a cause? Not unless for their own cause. More likely been on the circuit (cattle market) so long they have become jerky and are afraid of fresh meat, especially ones that say no?

Kerren much love to you and those special in your life that support and love you xxx Lyds (it will get easier to spot the fuckwits I promise) xxx

Anonymous said...

WTF.... the mind boggles... there are a few ones with more than a screw loose out there, wheat and chaff one less for you to worry about.
Hang in there :)

Spaz22 said...

Wow okay that was an interesting read to say the least. Kerren if i were you i would get a court order i.e. protection or restraining for your own good. Secondly, open up a case of verbal abuse i.e. Crimen Injuria, threats via means of assault, deffermation of character and well the list goes on. If i was you i would. I hopeyou are well other wise and if you need assistance you know how to find me. This women clearly has no respect for you or herself for that matter. for that matter i doubt she has an actual education. I ope you are happy and well. I know the person you are and what i have seen there is nothing wrong with you. You have overcome a lot in your life, so be strong and live your life to your standards.

Sincerely,
Spaz

Jay said...

So I’ve been thinking... and with the thinking came annoyance... followed by some anger... which ultimately, after a moment of meditation and some reflection, took me to love.
I am sure that those of you who don’t know Kerren on a personal level, must wonder how the crazy-bunny-boiler has come to her conclusions. Well, it will take a whole lot of crayons, paper, a blow-up doll, some Vaseline and perhaps a power-point presentation for me to try and explain the brain patterns of the delusional, so I have opted to rather vouch for Kerren’s character.

I have known Kerren for about 4 years now... and within those 4 years we have been through the highest of highs and lowest of lows. We have laughed together, cried together... hell, at one stage we even threatened to kill each other. Taking the above into consideration, I think that apart from Adam and a few others, I have a pretty good idea of who she is. Kerren is many things... to her family she is a caregiver. The person who always knows which medicine is best for a tummy-ache. To her friends, she is the one who will go without a box of smokes because she had to spend that extra R30 on ingredients for your favourite meal; a meal that she is preparing because you told her that you are going through a difficult time and need support. Kerren is the girl who will drive home to fetch a blanket for the man who looks cold on the corner of the street... 10km’s from her house. She is a woman on a road of self discovery, who bravely exposes her own fears and shortcomings to a world of strangers and friends... Now I don’t know about any of you out there, but personally I prefer to keep my imperfections closely guarded, in fear of the prosecution that may follow in the event of exposing myself too much.

So, taking the previous comments and replies into consideration, I ask you... Would you expose yourself to this extreme in support of a greater cause? And if so, would you be mature enough to handle this level of abuse with as much integrity as Kerren has?

I know for a fact that I am not that brave.

The Other Me said...

Hey Kerren,
your bunny boiler sure spends a lot of her time telling you she's not bothered! one doth protest too much me thinks.

love you lots and good for you, you have been through worse than her and survived.
Ps Your'e FAB! and you have amazing kids Stay strong hunni

Sandra xxxxx

Kerren said...

Thank you all for your responses.

I had moments of doubt yesterday that I was doing the right thing by going public - it would have been far easier to just keep quiet.. But most of the responses I have received have been supportive and positive.

Jay.. It was especially beneficial to me to read your last comment.. I was really struggling with doubt yesterday.. but your last comment reminded me that there is good in me.. that I do good things in this world.. and that I am not who she is portraying me to be.. It was very difficult to leave her insults and comments on my blog as so many people here only know me through my blog, so it took discipline to not delete the things she said... So Jay, thank you for reminding me of who I really am.

Sandra, Spazz and Lyds thank you too for your words of support - as always, they managed to lift my spirits..

I am stronger today than I was yesterday, and I will be stronger tomorrow than I am today...

Anonymous said...

Well done girl, Kerren!!!! Standing up for your self! I had the same thing, was too scared to get out of it! How lame and pathetic can her life be to stalk you and do what she did! Then still admit to it on your blog! Don'tworry, the wheel turns and one day is one day....... Unless you see the bitch crossing the road in front of you, hit petrol and take her out of her pathetic little life........

Anonymous said...

Obviously bunny boiler has no life, wears underpants.... Thinks she's the main peanut in the packet..... Well, abusive she is, look at the reaction from her....... An icon in the gay community, she wishes, for sure!!! My view, a lonely, unhappy, abusive, dyke who tries to get what she can from anyone, anyhow as she is too pathetic to make her own life....... Yes, I know who this person is, no wonder I heard she's busy with a divorce! Her ex wife obviously came to her senses and left while she could......

Anonymous said...

I have experience of a stalker like you. Unable to control their emotions, which leads to angry and abusive outbursts. There are always two sides to every story. You should take care of yourself. Maybe get some counselling. accept and recognise that this response is extreme, threatening and immature. You should now have an adult personality, which will help you identify what you want, who you like and how to communicate with others. At the moment you appear to be stuck in adolescence.