Thursday 16 February 2012

Dating: Men vs Women Part 2

This is the follow up to this post...

Before I begin, let me just say that Part 1 caused quite a stir with some of the LESBIANS in my world.  What I find interesting, is that none of them posted comments on the blog, but rather spoke to me in private.  And a couple of them were rather vocal about my opinions - so listen up Lesbo's:  The opinions voiced in this blog are simply that... opinions... they are my opinions based on my (grantedly small) experience of the LESBIAN world.

Secondly, you will have noticed that each time I type the word LESBIAN, it is in pink.. and in caps... and this is because I have also taken flack from all the GSL's for using the word LESBIAN.  Apparently it is very uncool to use the word LESBIAN... I should be saying gay woman... My response to this is.. blah blah blah.. get over yourselves... I am a LESBIAN.. you are a LESBIAN... own it biatch!

Right... moving swiftly along...

Another of the major differences between dating men vs dating women is the drama - OMG the drama!

Men are rather simple folk really - there are only a couple of things you need to do to keep them happy.  Men want the 3 F's: Feed, F*{^K and Focus (on them) - if you keep these three things in a positive space, men are generally happy.

Women are completely different... they need the whole alphabet... Don't believe me?  Watch this:
A - Accept
B - Back up
C - Compassion
D - Dazzle
E - Eager Beaver
F - Facilitate (the Eager Beaver)
G - Gimme
H - Honesty
I - Independence
J - Jealousy
K - Karma
L - LESBIAN
M - Mammary
N - Negotiate
O - Orgasm
P - Pick up
Q - Quagmire
R - Respect
S - Sensual
T - Tits
U - Ubiquitous
V - Vagina
W - Waxed
X - X - Rated
Y - Yummy
Z - Zonked

With women there are so many things you have to take into consideration... things that really don't matter to men.  For example if you don't say good morning to your boyfriend every day, it is not seen as a big deal.. With women all hell breaks loose if you don't say good morning or goodnight to them - they will assume that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship... or you are cheating.

If you have an argument, even over the smallest little thing, men really don't care.  They fight, they yell, they have their say and then they move on.  With women it is the end of the world as we know it!  There is either something fundamentally wrong with the relationship... or you are cheating.

If you do not orgasm during sex with a man, his ego will be bruised very briefly, until he convinces himself that there must be something wrong with you as his Perfect Penis is a masterpiece.  With women, there is either something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, or you are cheating.

If you go out for drinks with the girls, your boyfriend will probably be happy that he gets a night off from entertaining you.  With women, if you take a night off from seeing her and go out with the girls, there is either something fundamentally wrong with the relationship... or you are cheating.

If you don't pick up the phone every time they call - there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship... or you are cheating.

If you change your hair drastically - there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship, or you are cheating...

Are you getting the idea?

The point is nothing is simple when dating a woman.  Everything must be analysed, reanalysed and over thunk enough to make even Einsteins head spin..

And now my head is spinning... Part 3 another day.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs Kerren, and good onya for starting this dating thing over again in a completely new language! I don't envy your task, but am cheering you on! Love to see girlfriends being true to themselves...it's beautiful!

Kendra (from babysit...imagine that!)

Lynnie said...

LMFAO - that is so funny and too true and yip made me think alot as I am a natural over analyzer normally!! Thank you my friend for stating the obvious and helping me keep my alphabet short!! LOL c ya soon on a ladies night mwah xxx (my Tray is gonna laugh so much at me when I show her this) Have a groovy weekend -Lynnie

Ex FFF said...

That was bloody brilliant.
I am still being looked at odd in the office due to my outrageous outburst of laughter.

He He He
Go Girl

Spaz22 said...

LOL Kerren uyou pretty much sumed that one up to the T. Women are more compex. But why do we act surprised then if we know this already.

Kerren said...

Kendra - Thank you so much for your support, it is rather astounding that we are here after where our friendship started lol. I hope that we will still be commenting on where our lives have taken us many years into the future.

Lynnie - As you know, you and Tray mean so much to me, and I value your friendships more than you know. So I am very pleased that I can make you both laugh sometimes when normally all you hear is my drama! Love you both xxx

Ex FFF - I am not sure who you are, but everyone needs a good laugh in the office on a Monday morning - glad I could provide one!

Spaz22 - It amazes me how many ppl ask me: "Why would you want to date women if it is so complicated?" My response is always the same: "ummm.. because I am gay!!!" Duh!

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to comment on my blog, I love getting comments and hearing ppls own thoughts on my insanity

xxx

Jay said...

I am what you would refer to as a Gold-Star-Lesbian and I too get loads of gay-evil-eyes when I refer to myself as a Lesbian. But I’m with you on this one - fuckem. I’m a la-la-la-lesbian... in fact, I am a 90% stone-butch-lesbian... put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Anyhows...

Just wanted to say that you have managed to put in words one of the fundamental reasons why I don’t like to date GSL’s. Most of us don’t understand the concept of commitment and every fight seems to turn into a deep discussion about if the relationship will be able to survive my recent selfish action. Or the beer-stain that I left on the coffee table. Or the fact that I pray to Buddha instead of Mary. No wonder some of us recruit.

You have identified as a heterosexual woman all your life. Coming out now is like experiencing adolescence all over again... so be gentle with yourself. Love yourself better than you have ever loved anybody in your life... and the rest will fall in place.

Kerren said...

Jay...

It is so nice to meet a GSL who admits the truth.. very refreshing...

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

''If you do not orgasm during sex with a man, his ego will be bruised very briefly, until he convinces himself that there must be something wrong with you as his Perfect Penis is a masterpiece''

This supposed guy is doing it wrong!!! it should always be ladies first any other way is selfish

Anonymous said...

i dig it, biatch