Wednesday, 26 January 2011

So what have I learnt today?

1.   Things are bound to get worse before they get better.
2.   Having a "Mom's" night with some of the mothers from Caleb's school does not mean it'll be quiet.
3.   People often surprise you.
4.   You may think you know how people will react - but whoatherebigpony you don't.. someone will always surprise you.
5.   At a school that bills you the earth for a Cambridge Education, there is still a lack of communication.
6.   The cat is going pee-pee in the house because she has "Tom-Cat stress" - hahaha.. those were the exact words of our vet to me this morning... hahaha... tom-cat stress...
7.   Our cat is now on the kitty version of Prozac to help her deal with tom..
8.   I am slightly concerned that the pills will make her more... um....proactive with tom.. and less likely to scratch his eyes out... we will see...
9.   My child beat everyone in a race today.. including the coach...:)
10. Even though the new ott giganormous flat screen LCD HD TV does not fit in our TV cabinet, I love it.. and will gladly saw through pieces of wood in my beloved cabinet to make it fit...
11. Either that or use above-mentioned beloved cabinet as firewood and mount the new TV on the wall..
12.  Yes, I am that shallow...

Tuesday, 25 January 2011

DrKakka is kakka...

For the benefit of my international readers - Kak translated into English is shit... and if something is kakka it is crappy.. or shitty... ok.. all on the same page now? Good.. then let us begin..

Today was my weekly appointment with my shrink.. I wish I could find a better way of putting this, but as you can see from the picture, I am under the impression that I may be slightly mad.  DrKakka (formerly DrFeelgood) is of the belief that I am trying to convince him that I am mad to avoid the real issue at hand... I am still not ready to share this issue on here, but I hope to get to that point one day.... ANYWAY....

The reason DrKakka has been renamed, is that in times gone by I always left his rooms feeling uplifted.. and with a sense of hope that all is not lost and I may make it out of my current crisis alive and intact.  This is no longer the case - we are way past the point where I usually back out of therapy and one of the main reasons for this is because I trust DrKakka more than I trust some of the people in my every day life.  He always gives it to me straight.. whether I want to hear it or not.. which is something I have never had from a therapist before.  For example, this morning I said to him that what I really want is to be given access to the file he has on me and for him to let me see all the crazy little notes and comments he writes about me... I want to know what he truly thinks of me and my insanity..  And the oddest thing happened.. He lent forward and gave me my file.. without removing anything.. or making justifications for anything.. He let me read the whole file..  This pretty much stunned me...and won enormous trust with me..

However... he is still DrKakka... and not DrFeelgood... because every week he makes me get closer to facing the worst demon I have ever known..

Last night I had a nightmare from hell.. literally.. with demons and torture and all sorts.. And when I told him about it this morning, he pretty much explained it as I knew it to be true.. but there where parts of it that I could not identify.. parts that he very easily explained to me.. and it really does fit.. It's not something that could mean one thing or another.. Its a very definite message from my subconscious..  So that set the tone for today's session.. but boy was it hard work!!!

Last week he made me write down all my thoughts about my irrational fear of a certain..umm.. how do I put this?  Umm... irrational fear of a certain item.. yes, that's it, lets call it an item.  When I took it to him today he was actually chuckling in a few places..  After he read it, he asked me why I don't speak that freely in our sessions.  It was at this point that I explained to him about my blog.. and the fact that I would far rather be writing than speaking about my insanity..  I also told him how much it is hurting and hindering me that I am unable/unwilling to write about my insanity on my blog.  DrKakka is truly a genius... He said that from now on he will give me homework every week in the form of written work... which seems to work better for him and I... and this week I have to write all my thoughts down as if I could blog them.. and instead bring them to our next session... yay.. This should give both of us insight..

So.. he is still DrKakka at the moment, but at least there seems to be progress!

I am extremely proud of myself for having stuck with this therapy.. Although, if truth be told, I think it has as much to do with DrKakka as it does with me.. Either way, I am pleased that I am facing my demons.. one small nightmare at a time..

Monday, 24 January 2011

Am I the only concerned parent?

Caleb was just 2-years-old when a paediatrician - after having known my son for less than 10 minutes - suggested that perhaps he is hyperactive and a possible ADHD sufferer.  He then went on to mention that he would happily prescribe Methylphendate (Ritalin) for us so that we could get Caleb's hyperactivity under control!  I was shocked and disgusted at this to say the least - and I told the Doctor so before leaving his office never to return.

Now... lets just lay out some facts before I continue this post:
1.  I am a firm believer that there are true ADHD sufferers out there who absolutely need the medication.
2.  I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and took Ritalin for 2 years.
3.  There is no doubt in my mind that the Ritalin helped me - I went from being an average student to an A student in a matter of months.
4.  Should Caleb truly need Ritalin there is no way that Adam and I would deny him any kind of treatment that can help him.

However, having said all that, here is my rant....

Caleb is 5 years old.  He is a very active little boy - he loves nothing more than running around our garden, helping me in the garden, climbing trees, climbing the walls (literally) and riding his bike like a crazy freak up and down our driveway.  Caleb is very seldom still and taking him to shopping malls or such related places like restaurants, is often hair-raising for any brave adult in our family.

Adam and I are both aware that Caleb is hyperactive - his teachers are aware of - it is very difficult to miss!  Adam and I are also both aware that some form of help may be needed for him in the future, which is why we have had him at Play-Therapy for the past few months.  He has now concluded this therapy and we are going in to see the therapist on Thursday afternoon to wrap up his treatment and learn the way forward.

My problem is this...Since 1991 there has been a 500% increase in ADHD diagnosis and treatment with Ritalin.  There has been a 2000% increase in the prescription of Adderall and Dexedrine - two similar drugs to Ritalin that are used to treat ADHD.  Preschoolers medication (2 to 5-year-olds) has tripled since 1995.

There have been no definitive studies on the long term effects of such Psychotropic medication in preschoolers - Say What??? 

As I mentioned earlier, I completely understand that there are definite cases of ADHD, and that these children need any help we can provide to over-come these often debilitating symptoms.  Surely though we do not need to be giving our preschoolers such strong and stimulant based medication?  They are still babies for goodness sake, and if we start drugging them this early, what will the long term effects be on how their brains function in later life.  A child's synapses only stop learning how to function at approximately age 3.. So giving these types of Psychotropic medication to a 2-year-old could significantly alter the way the brain works.

Yes my son is hyperactive.. yes he has trouble sitting still and colouring in for hours on end, but since when is this a negative thing in a young child?  My son is very intelligent (all his tests have proven this), he is very inquisitive and extremely enquiring.  He would rather be running in the garden than watching TV - why is this considered a "bad" trait?  I was under the impression we should be encouraging young children to run around the garden rather than sitting in front of "The Box"? 

Caleb may not be the best puzzle maker, or the best at colouring in, but put him in a sport environment and he thrives!  Only last week his coach at school called me aside to inform me that a couple of the children are being advanced in February to a higher group due to the fact that they are far too advanced physically for their age group and would benefit from being in a sporting group with the next age group.  Caleb is WICKED with any game that involves hand-eye co-ordination.  Tennis, cricket, soccer and skipping are among his favourite things - last week I was watching him in his Action Ball class, and he was the only child who could do more than one rotation with the skipping rope.  Why are these things less important than being able to sit still for long periods of time?

Yes I know that he will need to learn to concentrate for longer periods as he gets older and his scholastic requirements increase, but I am extremely concerned that at 5-years-old this is being seen as a problem already.  I started school at 5 years old, and I could certainly not yet colour within the lines, write my own name or count to 70.  But children these days are being pushed faster and harder from a much younger age.

Our society seems determined to live in a "fast food" environment and we are dragging our children along with us.  We want quick fixes for everything!  Fast food, fast delivery, instant gratification... and I for one think we are doing a terrible disservice to our little ones.

My son is 5-years-old.. he doesn't get homework yet or even write tests.. so there is no way I am going to let some stuffy old paediatrician tell me that at this tender age I should be drugging him to make him sit still for longer.

Caleb my boy, you play to your hearts content... run, skip and jump!  Pretend to be a cowboy, pretend to be a pirate.. run with the dinosaurs... fly with the birds... paint your face.. scratch your knees.. destroy your shoes braking on your bike with your feet instead of your brakes...  Mommy and Daddy will be there every step of the way letting you be a child for as long as possible - safe in the knowledge that should the need arise at a much later date for you to have a little extra help with the crippling concentration needed to complete your education in this "fast food" world, Daddy and I will provide whatever it is you need to get the most from your scholastic career!

We love you dearly little free spirit!

Monday, 17 January 2011

Clench and release..

So... anyone who knows me knows that I suffer with back spasms every couple of months.  My usual treatment for this pain is to get a member of the family (they are all pretty good at it by now) to give me a shot of Voltaren in the bum.  Unfortunately we have run out of the stuff, and seeing as this particular spasm has been coming on for days, it is pretty painful by now..

So this morning, as I was doing my usual dashing around the shops, I stopped in at the pharmacy and bought a whole bunch of the ampules plus a few needles.  Now.. here is where I went horribly wrong - I decided to ask the nurse in the pharmacy to give me a quick jab (mind out the gutter Lizelle) as it will be hours before Adam is home and I need relief from this spasm NOW!

It did not even occur to me that she may be the devil in hiding... She was wearing a very official looking nurses uniform.. It evoked a feeling of trust in me that was sorely mistaken!!!  So I drop my jeans and present my right bum cheek - she whips out the needle and slams it into my bum.. At this point it dawns on me that she is about as gentle as Arnie on a bottle of tequila.. eish...

As she is pumping this liquid into my cheek, I feel my bum muscles begin to contract and release.. this has never happened before.. I feel a slight sheen of sweat break out on my forehead and it is at this point that I know I am in deep deep trouble..

As she draws the very sharp needle from my bum she slams it down into the seat of the chair I am leaning on... a trickle of sweat is released from my forehead and runs down the side of my face.. only to drip onto the seat a few inches from the needle... She then rubs vigorously on the area where the needle was inserted and says, " There you go.. all done... so much easier when you know what you are doing".  EASIER??? for who??? 

As I begin putting my dignity back together (thank goodness I wore the new "without holes" undies this morning) and straighten up, I can feel my bum still clenching and releasing... hmmm... I gingerly take a step towards the till to pay for "the devil's brew" and every time I place my right foot on the floor my bum cheek releases.. every time I pick the foot up the cheek clenches.. I am now walking in a sort of hop-skip-jump movement and am feeling very self-conscious indeed...

I stand in the queue at the till trying desperately to stop twitching from one bum cheek - there is a rather short man behind me in the queue.. and as I am 6ft tall, and he is about knee-high to a grasshopper, I just know he is watching my bum clench and release - this knowledge increases my bodies response to stress.. and I am now sweating like a mine worker in the 8th hour of his shift..

I hop-skip-jump my way out of the pharmacy and into my car... I drove straight home.. and am now sitting at my pc typing this post while still clenching and releasing every few seconds... My only thought at this point is that I have to go to "orientation" evening at Caleb's school in a few hours... Please God.. hear my prayer.. please let my bum be returned to normal status before I get to the school.. it was only 3 days ago that the puking/snot incident happened .. all I need is for my cheek to have a mind of its own while I am mixing with the "hoity-toity" parents this evening.  I can just imagine the chatter in the parking lot tomorrow morning.. "Poor Caleb.. its a wonder he is normal at all with a mother like that.. what was she thinking.... You know, I hear she was arrested for a DUI once.. tsk tsk.."

Friday, 14 January 2011

Lessons I learnt today...

1. When both your children have noses full of slimy stuff and they start to cry at the same time, move out of the way of fast moving pedestrian traffic through the school gate. 
2. No matter how upset the eldest is, if the baby on your hip begins to cough from too much crying, step away from the respectable folk and tip baby's head away from you - preferably in a flowerbed and not towards the opening of said gate.
3. If lesson 2 was forgotten and you are now covered in slimy puke, attempt some dignity by leaving the area as quickly as possible - under no circumstances should you engage in conversation with any parents or teachers!
4.  Even though it is raining and you are sopping wet from rain and puke, remove your warm jumper and use it to clean the slimy puke from the baby - this is done with love, unconditional devotion and not a thought for yourself.. only a mothers love...
5.  Do not think that just because you are pushed for time, should you go straight to the garage where your car is being serviced - any respectable person would have gone home first to change.
6.  If step 5 is ignored (dumbass) you should attempt to stand a decent distance from the people working in the garage whilst booking in your car. 
7.  If step 5 and 6 are ignored, do not be surprised when the garage calls to say that your service on your car is going to be way more than originally thought.
8.  When going round to your Mother-in-Law's house to load an obscene amount of heavy, wet and muddy lawn onto the back of your bakkie (van), do not forget your gloves.
9.  No gloves can protect a manicure from this kind of abuse.
10.  Do not wear your most expensive and very new trainers to complete above task.
11.  If, after this start to the day, you are still not convinced you should crawl back in to bed and start the day again, get on the bike and cycle 30kms - once this is complete, do 200 sit-ups as well as weight training for the flabby arms...

And on that note.. hi ho.. hi ho.. it's off to cycle I go...

Thursday, 13 January 2011

So this is where I am at...

I know I am not blogging.. I know it has been ages... but this picture says it all!

I am still seeing Doctor-Feelgood - although, at the moment he is not making me feel very good.  I am still dealing with a whole lot of insanity in my head... and some of it (actually most of it) is not fit for public consumption.. and so I am unable to blog..

I hope this is temporary.. as I really miss writing.. it is soothing to my soul.. and heaven knows my soul could use some soothing right now..