Sleep glorious sleep...when???

Daddy doing the midnight change....

On Thursday Daniel is having Grommits installed in both ears - since his birth, he has been on antibiotics at least 5 times - considering he is only 8 months old, this is really excessive! He has an ear infection whenever he teethes and considering it takes around 5 weeks for him to cut a tooth start to finish you can imagine how terrible this must be for the poor little chap..

Last week we were finally referred to the ENT who performed Caleb's operation - Yay.. we like him! He has agreed to perform the procedure on Daniel. Thank heavens! We are convinced (please God let it be) that after this op, his sleeping will vastly improve.. let me give you an example of how bad his sleep pattern is.. this is the log for my night last night:

19h00 - in bed

19h30 - asleep

21h00 - 22h00 awake.. and crying until we gave him pain meds

23h00 - 22h30 awake

00h30 - 00h45 awake

01h30 - 02h00 awake

03h00 - 03h20 awake

04h00 - briefly awake

05h00 - 05h15 awake

06h00 - awake for the day

So as you can imagine we are exhausted... please let the grommits help... pleazzzzzzzzzz

Dinner with the crazies!

These two are really insane - we love going out with them! Thanks Mr & Mrs Jacobs!

What do I believe #2 - A response to Mort

Mort - the link from beating to racism was quite simple:

The person distributing the email with the pictures and the story of the old man's beating shouted, "Blatant Racism" as the motive for the attack.

Your second comment proves my entire argument:

Why do you feel the need to ask if the victim was white and the guard black? It should be irrelevant - beatings and abuse should not be tolerated in our country regardless of who is the perpetrator and who the victim.

It is this kind of thinking that will continue to divide us as South Africans. Until we can see only South Africans, and not white or black, we can never heal the wounds of the past or grow as one nation in the future.

I understand that you are anti some of the things going on in South Africa, which probably explains why you emigrated, but for those of us who have chosen to stay behind to try and save our country, I believe it is important for us to find solutions rather than placing blame.

United We Stand - Divided We Fall!

Update to Mort's comment:

I am not sure if I understand what you are asking, but I think you are asking how the author made the connection to racism not me.. is that correct? If it is, then my response is this:

Nothing is said of what prompts the author to shout racism - barring the fact that the victim and the perpetrator are different races. This kind of thing (as you know) happens every day in South Africa, and nobody says a word, but let it happen between a black and white person and all hell breaks loose.

I think we, as South Africans, still have a long way to go...

Ben 10 Experience

Today we took Caleb to the Ben 10 Experience at Gallagher Estate. Since Daniel was born poor Caleb sometimes has to take a backseat to the needs of his little brother - so today was all about him!

At 09h00 this morning we dropped Daniel off at my Mother-in-Law's house (thanks Mel) and then headed off! We spent the whole day there and only got home at 16h00! Caleb had the best day.. it was all for him.. sweet boy!

Getting his face painted like 4-arms

Can you spot my boys?

The funny thing about this is that 4-arms's pants kept falling down... very superhero like!

Blowing up the balloon until it popped!

Getting ready to play human bowling!

Putting our shoes back on!

All tuckered out!

GOAL!!!

You are such a special little boy Caleb - Daddy, Daniel and I love you dearly!

A Better Space

The past two days were extremely difficult for me - after my two most recent posts, I just sort of unravelled. I have spent the last two days in a cloud of anger, frustration and sadness. The more I thought about it, the more upset I became.

Not only in the past couple of days, but in recent years, I have become a master at hiding my pain. An example - Yesterday afternoon when I went to collect Caleb from school, I spent the entire trip sobbing like a baby. The tears were literally rolling down my cheeks and it was that kind of sobbing that leaves you a little breathless and exhausted. About 1km from the school I got myself under control and pulled myself together wiped my face with a wet wipe (a constant companion in a car that transports a 3-year-old) and literally plastered a big fake smile on my face. I walked into the school and nobody was the wiser. Shortly after arriving home with him, I went to the bathroom and fell apart for a few minutes again - Until I heard the doorbell ring - at which point I splashed water on my face, once again located and applied the same fake smile and went to open the door for my in-laws who had come round for tea so that my Father-in-Law could say goodbye to the boys before he heads back to Taiwan.

There are, however, two people I do not seem to be very good at hiding it from...one is of course Adam and the other is Sam. After much weepy behaviour with both of these people yesterday afternoon, we decided that a night out with Sam was probably a good idea for me... The rest of this blog is dedicated to the 3 people who helped me out of my black hole yesterday..

The first is Adam - you are the most patient and understanding of husbands. You give me enough freedom for me to be able to fight my battles and confront my demons the only way I know how, and that is in my own time and on my own. I know sometimes you must feel shutout from the inner workings of my mind when I am in a "bad space", but you know that as soon as I am ready to share, you are always the one I go to first. Without you I would not have the courage or strength to battle these foes - I love you.

The second is Sam - Our friendship came out of nowhere - very recently - and I want you to know how grateful I am for it. You seem to understand my bossy and demanding nature and you just let me get on with it... I love this about you! You are tough when I need you to be .. and gentle when I am falling apart. You are a party animal when I need to blow off steam and a good listener when I want to talk.. It is mostly thanks to you that last nights mood lifted... and I am grateful.

The last is Alex - I met you for the first time last night - and your insights into my soul blew me away. It seems like such a long time ago.. after years and years of therapy which didn't work, that I decided to lock that door and just pretend it doesn't exist anymore. For some reason you didn't need a key - you just bashed it down with a bulldozer and forced me to see it.. truly see it.. for what it is. In just a few short sentences you showed me what years of therapy never could. I think the personal growth that I gained from our meeting last night is more than I gained in all the time I was paying money to someone who could never help me. Your knowledge and faith in your convictions really had an affect on me... Thank you Alex.

And so, after these 3 people took turns to say/do/listen to what I needed yesterday, the black mood is lifting. I know, as I have always known, there are tough times ahead, but somehow the universe always seems to give us what we need when we really need it. She smacks us with a sledgehammer and then provides first-aid as we recover

Happy Birthday Baby Girl

Today is Kayleigh's 1st birthday...so many people in pain over lost children today :(

Happy Birthday sweet girl - I hope you and my babies are playing together in the nursery in Heaven and blowing out candles together!

A different space..

Have you ever noticed how your life will be carrying on as normal? The days blending into each other? No real issues or hiccups? And then.. all of a sudden, out of the blue, life hits you with a sledgehammer? Almost as if the universe is saying, "Hey you.. pay attention... stop being complacent.. remember..."

Today was not a good day for me - a number of things went wrong today, but they are not major issues. They are things which upset the balance, but you sort them out and move on... all but one of them that is.

As I sat down to blog this evening, I switched the TV on to the news channel - I like to watch the news whilst blogging. Anyway, it was not turned to the news, it was on a movie channel that was showing the movie "Someone like you". I had only been watching a couple of minutes, when Ashley Judd's character goes to the hospital to support her sister who just lost a baby to miscarriage - and boom.. out of nowhere.. the sledgehammer hit! In a little over two weeks I should be celebrating the birthday of one of the babies Adam and I lost. He was due on 9 July - which means that his "birthday" is coming up..

I am sitting here on the sofa in my lounge trying to hold it together.. but the tears are falling and I can't stop them...If Adam knew (he will when he reads this) that I am sitting here crying, he would want to help.. as all good husbands would, but the truth is, he cannot help me with this.. nobody can.. and as much as I appreciate the TLC, this is something I would not openly discuss with anyone in my world (except Adam). This pain is something I deal with on my own - except for my blog.. Isn't that strange how I don't wish to talk about this, but I am happy to come here and tell so many strangers about my pain?

I don't think you ever truly get over the pain of losing a child.. no matter how briefly they were with you. Some of you must be wondering how I can feel this way, when I would not have Daniel had my baby lived? The truth is something I did not understand until I lost a child.. One child can never replace another... I love Daniel and Caleb more now than ever before.. they mean more to me than I could ever really put into words.. and yet the empty space in my heart that will never be filled longs for my lost babies.. all of them.. And there are certain days of the year that are so very difficult to cope with.

And so tonight I mourn the loss.. again.. of one of my little angels..Mommy loves you Little One.. and one day our souls will be reunited..oh what a happy day that will be!

One last thing... please, if you are part of my world.. please.. do not ask me about it..or even broach the topic. It is not a topic that I am able to discuss with anyone (except Adam) - posting about it on my blog is as close as I can come to discussing my losses. I, as always, would love to read your comments, but I don't wish to talk about it. Thank you for your understanding.

What do I believe? What do you believe?

This is the kind of post that people either love or hate...but this is another of those topics that has been building in my mind, but due to the nature of the topic, I have attempted to smother it for weeks.. The time has finally come where I feel strong enough to post it..

Yesterday I received an email in connection with the brutal beating of an elderly man in one of South Africa's prisons. The elderly gentleman in question was caught stealing a chocolate bar from a shop. Upon investigation, it was uncovered that the man suffered from Alhzeimer's Disease. Apparently he was not aware that he was stealing, and could not understand what all the fuss was about - this was confirmed by his doctor. At some point between his arrest and incarceration, he was severely beaten. I refuse to upload the pictures to my blog, but lets just say that the wounds were horrific.

The commentary on the e-mail that accompanied these pictures is (rightly so) highly outraged at the treatment of this old man, who was clearly a threat to no one and yet he was beaten as if he may be the next Terminator - Needless-to-say, the gentleman passed away shortly after this beating. At this point in the commentary on this email, the author shouts, "Racism" in fact, "Blatant Racism" was the term used... Do you see yet where I am going with this post?

It has been 15 years since the fall of Apartheid and yet still, we as a country, feel the need to shout racism at every turn. Racism is now a card that is played by all the cultures - the moment someone of another culture steps on our toes we insist they must be racist.

Now lets just clarify a few issues...

Yes, there are still many racists (from all cultures) existing in South Africa, and indeed the world.
Yes, how we were raised will largely determine the outcome of our values and morals. This is the nature vs nurture argument.
Yes, many of the people in my world today are racist - to some degree - which means that they may use derogatory terms or fall to the extreme of hatred.
Yes, I was raised by a community which was 90% racist.
Yes, this is the way I was taught to think.
Yes, I have struggled all of my life to find the path which I believe in my soul to be true.
Yes, I have used derogatory terminology in the past.
Yes, I have had racist thoughts in the past...

but..

No, I do not believe in racism
No, I do not believe that the teachings of my youth are the correct ones.
No, I will not tolerate any kind of hate speech or derogatory terminology around my boys.
No, I will not carry over the hatred and "chip-on-my-shoulder" attitude that I learned from a young age to my boys.

On the other hand..

What makes one a racist? If you can successfully answer this question for me, then you will put so much of my questioning to bed.

You see...

I do not believe I am racist...If I look into my soul, I honestly believe that I have an "all cultures were created equal" philosophy. However, if this is the case, then why is it that I don't vehemently condemn any person in my world who makes racist comments? Why is it that I stay quiet when friends or family use derogatory terminology? Having said that, I never stay quiet if it is in front of the boys - everybody in my life knows this. I will not tolerate any kind of hate speech in front of the boys. I will not have them raised with the same hatred in their hearts that I was taught. Carrying on...

Why do I not stand up and shout from the rooftops that I do not agree with your way of thinking? That I refuse to be a victim to my past teachings? That I will cut from my life any whom I cannot convert to a liberal viewpoint? Why do I put on any sort of laugh when you tell me a racist joke?

Why indeed..

What does this make me?

Who am I really?

Am I really as "equal" as I like to believe?

If my soul could take a polygraph test, what would be revealed?

The truth.. what is the truth?

The truth is that, from this moment forward, I will stop letting others say things in my company that offends me.

The truth is that, from this moment on, I will stand up for what I believe in, no matter how unpopular it may make me.

The truth is that, from this moment on, the race card does not exist for me - I have wanted to bin it for so long... and just like that .. it is finally off my back..

The truth is that I will begin to verbalise the values and morals which have been changing and realigning in my mind for many years.

The truth..in truth..

is that I strive, every day, to be a better Mum for those sweet little boys who depend on me to teach them about the world and their place in it.

I do not believe that I have suddenly become a saviour or champion of human rights.. but I do believe that every choice I make in this regard.. every single one... will make me into a better person.. it may not be the person you wish it to be.. or to be associated with, but it is the one I see in the mirror every day.. and I love her.. and will continue to do so as long as she continues to grow.

Father's Day Weekend!

This is Caleb and his second Cousin Erynne - at her 5th birthday - too sweet!

Tricky Trevor - the entertainer for Erynne's made this "monkey up a tree" for Caleb - but Adam carried it around all day - I think he bonded with it!

My ferocious lion!

Oumie (Adam's Granny), Adam and Caleb "The Lion"

We have a strict rule of no guns in our house - so whenever Caleb gets near a toy gun he heads straight for it - seems that even if we won't let him have a toy gun in the house, he will find a way to play with one. Boys will be boys!

This was this afternoon while we were having ice-cream on my Mum's back veranda - what you can't see in the picture is that Caleb is sitting on my Mum's ornamental tortoise eating the last of the ice-cream out the tub - sweet boy!

Finishing Father's Day Lunch! We had a lovely time - Thanks Mum

And finally.. the littlest Baby Bear - he loves being outside. Here he was just sitting in the middle of the yard watching the world go by with not a care to speak of!

Mum - thank you so much for a lovely weekend - we always love coming to visit you and hate (especially me) to leave! It doesn't matter how old one gets, going home to Mum is something we can all appreciate - It revives the soul and pampers the weary mind!

And last, but not least, to Adam - the father of my beautiful boys! We love you Daddy. You are so good to us. Thank you for my boys... and thanking you for loving me.. every day for the past 10 years... sjoe.. it cannot be easy for you...

Mwah - we love you!

Hitching a ride - African Style

I am beautiful...

I know I have already blogged today, but this post has been swirling around my mind and gaining momentum since lunchtime today.. and it will not be silenced.. so put on your helmets and protective gear and away we go...

For at least the past 4 years, I have been self-conscious about my weight - in fact, it has become so bad that I would easily say I have become obsessed with my body (my BMI is 28). Every woman I meet I compare (physically) to myself. EVERY WOMAN - do you know what kind of pressure that has placed on my mind.. and emotions? Every time I meet someone new, I wonder if they are judging me because I am over-weight? Do they think, "Why doesn't she just stop eating?" Do they think less of me because I am carrying around body fat? Do they ask themselves if it bothers me that I am not thin? These kinds of thoughts eat me alive... and destroy my self-esteem and self-worth..

Well those days are done.. they are no more.. and I say Viva-la-fat-Girl!

Today, after lunch, I went clothes shopping. I needed to find a few items for my work wardrobe for winter. As I was walking around my chosen store, a label caught my eye, it said, "Tall - extra length". Now, what you need to understand about me is that I am almost 6ft tall. Which means that whenever I buy clothes, they are usually too short in the arms and legs. So, not only am I over-weight, but I am a big girl in every sense of the word. But once I found this label, I was in heaven - I chose about 10 items to try on, and all the time that I was picking clothes off the shelves to "attempt" to squeeze my body into, the thought that kept running through my mind was, "why are you even bothering, until you lose the weight, you will never look good in clothes". The result of this way of thinking is that by the time I reached the fitting rooms I was rather depressed.

Once inside the fitting room however, something strange happened. I tried on the first suit - and the truth is, it looked fabulous.. and I looked fabulous. I couldn't believe it! I looked so good in the suit that I didn't want to take it off..lol.. I stood there for ages turning this way and that to look at my body from different angles. I decided to be brave, and keeping the thought in my mind that perhaps I could look good in some things, I proceeded to try on all the other items I had brought to the fitting room - the result is that I bought them all.

I spent the rest of the afternoon asking myself, why is it that I hate my body so much? So I began analysing my life - trying to look at it from the outside looking in. What I discovered is this:

1. I am over-weight
2. My tummy is flabby from carrying two babies to term
3. My breasts are not as firm as they were 10 years ago - breastfeeding will do that!
4. I still have a waist
5. Men still compliment me on my appearance
6. Whenever I go out at night, at least once during that night, someone will give me the eye and try and pick me up
7. I look sexy when I feel sexy
8. I am attractive - if I were not attractive, I would never get the approving looks I always pretend didn't happen
9. Adam still looks at me with the same desire he did 10 years ago
10. Adam still loves to be close to my body - as he did 10 years ago
11. I am not perfect
12. If I don't love me how will anyone else?

And so I am done with torturing myself. I am over-weight. I do not look like a Hollywood actress. I am not a size zero... but I am beautiful.. I am sexy.. I have a large bottom... large thighs... a flabby tummy... and large breasts... and I am beautiful!

Does this mean I am just going to let myself go? No.. that is not what it is about..I am still going to workout just about every night of the week. I am still going to try and make healthy food choices when I eat. But what it does mean is that the days of me hating the fact that I am not as skinny as Lindsay Lohan are done. I am a real woman.. I am a full-bodied, hot-blooded, baby-bearing and beautiful woman!

Viva-La-Big-Girl

I am beautiful!

Priceless Pictures with Nanna

This is my best one of all... such a sweet picture

This is my Mum with her best friend Estelle - thanks for a lovely day ladies - the boys and I loved visitng with you both.

My 05:00 wake-up call!

Little April Rose Final Update

I find this whole mess sickening. I realise (based on previous comments to my previous posts on this topic) that perhaps I do not have a forgiving heart. I apologise upfront if what I am going to say offends any of my readers.. I truly do, but after much consideration and thought I have decided that I need to get this out... think of it this way..

This blog is my journal - as so many are - and because of that, I need to note in my journal all the things that are playing on my soul, be they big or small.. and so based on that, I need to get this post off my chest.. here goes.

Today, for the first time since this story broke, there has been an update from B, "April's Mom". It is, of course, exactly what you would expect from someone who has just had a web of lies and deceit uncovered..it is very apologetic..but it also has an undertone for something that is a pet-hate of mine.

In one breath she says she needs to take responsibility for her actions, and then in the next breathe she goes on to speak about how she has had a difficult life and suffered a loss in the past.

This kind of thing really annoys me.. and I will tell you why (I am about to share, on a small scale, a piece of me that is usually only reserved for those in my inner circle - it is a giant leap of faith for me to blog about this)..

Here it is..

I did not have a happy childhood. Although my time spent with my Mother were the best days of my life, the time I spent with my father, step-mother and step-sister were some of the blackest times of my life. My father and I did not have a happy, loving or trusting relationship. My step-mother resented me for a number of reasons. The only joy I had in that house was my step-sister (I love you A - you made so many miserable years bearable). Enough said on that topic, you get the idea.. anyway, what I am trying to get at is this..

So many people in today's society get away with bad behaviour (to put it mildly) and then, when they get caught, they blame this behaviour on their unhappy childhood, or that they were abused. This makes me see red - It is unforgivable, in my book, to blame anyone else for our bad behaviour.

I waited much later than most to have my children.. why? Because I spent years worrying that I would take the behaviour I learnt as a child and use it to raise my children the same way, and that thought frightened me.. terrified me.. Until I met Adam, and with his strength and help I realised that I have nobody to blame for my behaviour but myself. It is a conscious decision I make every day to not use violence against my children - to not let my temper get out of control because that is not the type of mommy I want to be - I never want to see my children look at me with fear in their eyes. Respect yes.. but fear no!

My weakness is that I may be too lenient with them as compensation for the fear I felt as a child...that is something I work on all the time..

And so instead of me feeling more forgiving and less resentful towards her, I now find that I have lost any respect for her. I think that many of the things she said in her apology post today were done so purely for manipulation purposes and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I do not wish her anything bad, but I truly hope she can grow enough as a person to acknowledge that she has nobody to blame for her behaviour but herself.. She made the conscious decision every time she blogged to lie and deceive so many good people who were praying for her.

If you wish to read her apology, click here

Cuter every day!

See no Evil, Speak no Evil, Hear no Evil

Did you know that polygamy is legally recognised in South Africa?

Did you know that our President has 3 wives?

Did you know that it brings most South Africans an immense amount of embarrassment that when our President meets people like Barack Obama, Gordon Brown and Queen Elizabeth, he will do so with 3 wives in tow?

Did you know that these 3 women take their "role" as First Lady(ies) so seriously that they could not even bother to stay awake during their husband's first-ever State of the Nation Address?

What a proud day for our country...

Little April Rose Update

So after extensive research on this topic, it turns out my worst fears have been realised - this blog was a fake and a scam.

The more I have thought about it this week, the more shocked I have become - We are all sinners, nobody is perfect, but it takes a special kind of sinner to be able to pull off something like this and still be able to sleep at night, or like what you see when you look in the mirror. To make up an elaborate lie about the imminent death of one's child is a horrific web of deceit and "blackness" on the soul.

For most of my life I have struggled with the question: "Am I a good person?" Generally I am torn with the answer to this question. I know that I am not a rapist, or murderer, but by the same token, I acknowledge that I am no saint. I recognise my manipulative behaviour. I take responsibility for my aggressive nature. I own my sometimes selfish character.

And yet... having said all that.. I realise, when learning of behaviour such as that of Rebecah ("April's Mom") that perhaps I am not such a bad person after all. Agreed, I am no saint, but I can still look in the mirror and like the person I see.

Another blog I follow belongs to Nate - it is called "Confessions of a CF Husband" and it is a truly remarkable blog. Yesterday Nate, in light of recent events, posted a blog on the kind of "red flag" warnings to look for when determining the authenticity of a blog - I urge all my readers to check it out - so that perhaps we can all avoid being "taken-in" by this kind of deceit in the future. Click here if you wish to read Nate's post.

I hope that this experience does not have the power to turn my trusting heart into a cynical place in the future!

Happy blogging to All!

One month ago today...

Sweet little Kayleigh went home to Jesus!

I hope it has been a month of playing, laughter and fun for you little one - we miss you and still think of you often.

RIP Baby Girl

Loving on Kelly!

Meet Sophia -isn't she gorgeous? Sophia is 3 weeks older than Daniel and she is my future Daughter-in-Law - what a lovely looking couple they will make!


Sophia is the youngest daughter of my friend Kelly . Kelly lives in America - about an hour from Detroit (I think). I am not very good when it comes to the geographical layout of the USA - but I am sure my international readers will forgive me - if I told you that I live about an hour from Rustenburg, would that mean anything to you?

Anyway...

Kelly is one of the hardest working Mums I have ever known. Kelly has 5 daughters - yup.. you read that correctly 5 beautiful girls who keep her on her toes. Add to that the fact that Kelly's husband is often away on business for weeks at time, plus they have just bought a new puppy - and the fact that Kelly does everything herself for her family and you get some idea of how hard this mum works to keep everybody happy.

Let me put things into perspective, most households in South Africa have domestic help. On top of that I have a garden service to take care of the yard. Plus I have a Mother-in-Law who never says no when I need help (thanks Mel) - and I am still exhausted most of the time. Kelly has no domestic help in the house or in the yard. Kelly washes, cleans, irons, cooks, does homework, shops, works in the yard, fixes the odd maintenance issue around the house, kisses all the boo-boos better, packs school lunches, keeps two youngsters at home all day, buys enough food every week to feed a small army, picks up after 7 people and still has enough energy to love on her girls.. and on top of that she is an amazing friend -

Thanks Kelly ... you are a selfless, giving and loving individual and I am honoured to call you my friend!

Anonymous Comments

Up until now I have not allowed anonymous comments on my blog - I am taking a huge leap of faith and have now opened up my blog to anyone - should this be abused (as I have witnessed on many other blogs) I will close it once again!

I look forward to many more comments...

Let me know what ya think..

Karate Champ

First class picture of Caleb's Karate class - aren't they sweet? Of course my son is the smallest one.. but he has the biggest attitude!

Little April Rose

As many of you know, I follow quite a few "Mom blogs" and one of my favourite ones, for some months now, is Little April Rose.

April's mom is the author of the blog - at around 4 months pregnant they were told that April has some genetic issues and that she is "not compatible with life" - I hate this term that the doctors use, it is so cruel.

I have followed her blog for the past 5 months - and have cried with her during the heartache and laughed at the joy.

Aprils mom finally went into labour and April was born sometime on Sunday night (there is a time difference to us). I was so excited and happy for them that April seemed to be doing okay and it seemed as if they may have some time with her before she went home to Jesus.
On Monday when I went online, I saw the status on FaceBook of another mommy whose blog I follow (Celia) saying that the blog Little April Rose is a hoax to extort money and gifts from people.. I was horrified.. there are two ways that I am looking at this:

If their blog is real and people are just mean:

How can people be so heartless?
Where has all the love in this world gone?

This poor couple have just become parents for the first time, to a baby girl whom they will very shortly have to say goodbye to. April's mom has carried her sweet little girl for 9 months only to have to release her moments after birth. Can you even begin to imagine what this poor mommy must be going through? My heart breaks for them- that on top of this horrid tragedy, they must also deal with hate comments on their blog about April's journey. And now to have so many people blogging and posting on FB that their site is a scam and it has been taken down must truly be heartbreaking.. all they are trying to do is share their little girl with the world. On top of that, April's mom is always talking about God and her love for him.. How can such a sweet person be a fraudster?

If their blog is a fake:

How can people be so heartless?
Where has all the love in this world gone?

I don't understand how people can use something so tragic as the loss of a child for personal gain. Adam and Celia have both recently lost their Little Ones and their pain is so raw and so deep that it breaks my heart. Adam is Kayleigh's Dad – and you all know how I feel about the loss of this little baby girl. Celia is mom to Noah who only 4 weeks ago was delivered into this world and very shortly after that taken home to Jesus. Every day I see Celia's posts on FB about Noah – and her anguish over the loss of sweet baby Noah touches something inside me every time I see her comments..Today when I was changing Daniel's diaper, I was getting upset with him because he would not lie still and so I was struggling to get the diaper straight – and during my frustration, it occurred to me how Celia would give anything on earth to be able to struggle to get Noah's diaper on his little bottom.

Okay okay, I am rambling a bit..

But the truth is I am so shocked that someone could make up such a story for financial gain when there is already so much heartache and sadness in the world.
I am torn between wanting their blog to be real as this means that my faith in humanity can remain – but this would then mean that they are about to, or have already lost April. And wanting it to be fake so that one less mommy in the world is actually suffering the loss of a sweet little baby.

I will keep you posted...

Million $ Question...

I would love to know why we spent money on his first bed when he prefers to sleep in the chair - this happens more often than you would believe..

You can't stop me.. so there!

I am against Daniel watching TV - I am convinced that it does something strange to babies - see, their brains are still wiring and learning to function, so watching TV cannot be good for them. So if you look at the first picture, what you are seeing is Daniel's determination to watch cartoons. We sit him with his back to the TV and cushions around him in case he falls over - what we discovered, is that he throws himself over on purpose so that he can lie down and watch The Box! Clever little man..lol

You are joking right?

I hope that none of my international readers take offence to this, but for South Africans this is very funny - you see, there is this weird perception in the world that in Africa we don't have the same things that you have all over the world (see the question about perfume). We don't have to shoot our dinner every evening - it comes clean and wrapped in cellophane just like yours. We have Nintendo, Xbox and Wii. We have cars, we have electricity and we wear shoes.. just like you.

Our children go to school and have a prom.. just like yours. We watch Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty and CNN/BBC... just like you. We have hospitals, restaurants and massive shopping malls.. just like you..We use knives and forks..just like you.. We have milk, all year round... just like you..

And if you ever do come to South Africa, never go to Hillbrow naked... that is a bit of internal humour.. just ignore it if it means nothing to you..lol

Perhaps this would be a good time to say that if any of my readers have a question about living in Africa, no matter how bizarre it may seem, please feel free to ask and lets clear up some of these weird perceptions about living in South Africa

World Cup 2010.Questions from tourists:

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African Tourism Website and were answered by the website owner (great sense of humour!)...

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometers take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not...oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Nou Die Blou!

It has been exactly one week since my last post - which, as you know, is absolutely unheard of for me - in my defence, it has been a really bad week. I worked last Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday Daniel was struggling with an ear infection. Then over the weekend Adam and I were both quite ill - in fact, I have been down with two illnesses in the past week, which were completely unrelated, but quite knocked the life out of me.

On Saturday, my favourite team, The Blue Bulls were playing in the final of the Super 14. The Super 14 is an international rugby tournament between South Africa, New Zealand and Australia - and of course... once again... The Bulls won! Saying that I am a Bulls supporter is kind of an understatement - The are the greatest team on earth and watching them win is the greatest feeling on earth!!!

After the game we went out to celebrate Matt's birthday - Notice how I only took pictures of people wearing their Bulls shirt...lol.. As you can see, the party got a little out of hand and I blame this on Jenny (who you will meet in one of the pictures) who kept ordering Tequilas.. bad bad girl... but fun was had by all.. especially since the Bulls won - Ons Bloed is Blou - which means - Our blood is blue!

This is Matt and Ruth - Happy Birthday friend!

Okay Okay.. so the boys were a little ..ummm.... intoxicated...lol

This photo is of Jenny and Gareth... Gareth is a regular reader of my blog - thanks for the support bud!

Anybody who really knows me will tell you that I am not a big meat eater - in fact, during my pregnancies I went off meat completely - could not stand the sight or the smell of it - so to see me in this kind of picture you must know that I had consumed a tequila or two to even pretend to eat such a huge piece of meat!

We had such a good time at Matts party... and I am so chuffed that my team won.. AGAIN!