1. When both your children have noses full of slimy stuff and they start to cry at the same time, move out of the way of fast moving pedestrian traffic through the school gate.
2. No matter how upset the eldest is, if the baby on your hip begins to cough from too much crying, step away from the respectable folk and tip baby's head away from you - preferably in a flowerbed and not towards the opening of said gate.
3. If lesson 2 was forgotten and you are now covered in slimy puke, attempt some dignity by leaving the area as quickly as possible - under no circumstances should you engage in conversation with any parents or teachers!
4. Even though it is raining and you are sopping wet from rain and puke, remove your warm jumper and use it to clean the slimy puke from the baby - this is done with love, unconditional devotion and not a thought for yourself.. only a mothers love...
5. Do not think that just because you are pushed for time, should you go straight to the garage where your car is being serviced - any respectable person would have gone home first to change.
6. If step 5 is ignored (dumbass) you should attempt to stand a decent distance from the people working in the garage whilst booking in your car.
7. If step 5 and 6 are ignored, do not be surprised when the garage calls to say that your service on your car is going to be way more than originally thought.
8. When going round to your Mother-in-Law's house to load an obscene amount of heavy, wet and muddy lawn onto the back of your bakkie (van), do not forget your gloves.
9. No gloves can protect a manicure from this kind of abuse.
10. Do not wear your most expensive and very new trainers to complete above task.
11. If, after this start to the day, you are still not convinced you should crawl back in to bed and start the day again, get on the bike and cycle 30kms - once this is complete, do 200 sit-ups as well as weight training for the flabby arms...
And on that note.. hi ho.. hi ho.. it's off to cycle I go...