Ebb and Flow

Again it has been months since my thoughts have wanted out... but here I am.. the need to write over-powering.

Where to from here is anyone's guess...

The stalker saga really frightened the life out of me... scared me away from my blog... It has been a long hard journey standing in my truth.. I have stumbled, fallen and scraped my hands and knees more often than I like to admit.. but I am still here...

I began a different path after Gen's passing.  I have tried to look more objectively within myself, to find not only truth, but motive..  I have written about this before.. For most of my life I have been plagued by the question "Does that make me a good person?".  People say I am a good person because I try to do the right things... but if my motives are not pure of any manipulation, then surely I am not a good person, but merely playing a role?

Anyway... back to motives...

Since Gen's death, I have searched many avenues to find a mantra or "life message" that I can believe in... Recently I found one.. And I think it has been a true and solid path.. It is sometimes incredibly difficult to follow, but is proving worth it at the end of each "obstacle".

Tonight I am struggling with my most difficult challenge to date since adopting this code...  Tonight I struggle to act without ego... My ego is proving stronger than my emotional intelligence..

To act without ego is the goal... and tonight I am a blind striker.. and missing by miles..

Tomorrow is a new day...

Tomorrow I will try again..

Tomorrow I begin with a fresh and full portion of faith in humanity...

Tomorrow...