Monday, 12 December 2011

Times.. they are a changing...

Ok people.. I know it has been forever since I have written.. there is a very good reason for this.  Some of you who are involved in my personal world will already know what I am about to say.  For those who know me only through this blog.. brace yourselves.

The reason I have not been here in so long is because I have been through a metamorphosis in the past 18 months.  All my readers will know that I have been struggling with demons for over a year.. a few of them.  And while some of them are still with me, and probably always will be, I have laid one to rest.

The demon that I have laid to rest is my sexuality.  My whole life I have lived as a straight woman, while all the while being aware that I have an interest in woman....  It is no longer just an interest.  That's right people.. I am gay.  GAY... completely homosexually oriented.  I know, rather a shock right?  It has been rather a shock for me too (not to mention for my family and friends), but the truth is, when I look back, the signs were always there.. I just wasn't paying attention.

So where I stand now is that Adam and I are divorcing.  This has been such a devastating year for both of us, but the way he has handled it has proven to me over and over again that I chose him as my husband for very obvious reasons.  His maturity, love, compassion and above-all his never-ending defence of me to people who were less than accepting has earned my eternal gratitude and respect.  He is the father of my children, the person I have spent all of my adult life with, and the man I will love until the day I die.

Having said that... I can no longer deny who I am .. nor do I want to.  On top of that, Adam deserves so much better than I can now offer him.  We will always be in each others lives - not only for the boys, but because he is incredibly important to me and I want to walk the rest of my life with him at my side.

I have lost more friends and family than I originally thought I would.. And yet, the people who have stayed at my side, as well as people I did not expect support from, added to the new friends I have made, are providing me with a support system that carries me through the dark days.

There is much I need to tell you.. but this is enough for one day...

I am back.. and I am dying to write about so many things.. I hope that you will continue to walk my path with me.


Debbi said...

Honey pie - like I said to you on FB I will always be here for you - and I am SO proud of you and the amazing strength you have. Always be true to yourself. Love always, Deb xxx

Anonymous said...

I am glad this part of the battle battle is over :)for you. I admire and appreciate your struggle,strength and determination to find inner peace.

Marina said...

So glad you are back to blogging!! I have missed it and looking forward to sharing everything going forward with you!! xx