Thursday, 22 July 2010

Would you like me to point out your failings to you?

I don't understand... When did my weight issues become fit for public consumption??? I don't go around discussing your stupidity... or your ugly face.... or the fact that your personality is as exciting as watching the repair man (who is in my kitchen as we speak) fixing my oven.

And yes, to answer your question I am cross... spitting mad is more likely the right expression.

I am just so sick of not being able to talk about anything other than my weight. I know people mean well, but the truth is I am not an idiot..nor am I blind... I promise you that when I look in the mirror, I am quite capable of seeing my love handles...and the tractor tyre I carry around with me daily. It is also fairly simple for me to spot the double chin and saddle bags. However, if I am ever in doubt about the location of any of these accessories, I will be sure to ask you to comment.

But here is the thing... if you have not been in my position, you cannot possibly understand what it is like. I know that you are all just trying to help me, but some comments are just not helpful. In fact, some comments are just plain hurtful. Let me break it down for you...

If I am being honest, I have to say that I know I am obsessed with my weight. It just used to be so simple. When I was younger and I wanted to lose weight I would just stop eating for a week and the weight would drop off. Now I am sure I could stop eating again, but things are different now. I now have a husband who depends on me to keep things running smoothly at home while he brings in the bread every day. I also have two small boys who need me to be strong and healthy so that I can take care of them in a way they deserve. What this means is that I have to eat and take care of myself for all three of my boys - they deserve a wife and mother who is on top form.

Based on the above considerations, I went to see our family doctor two months ago and literally sobbed on his shoulder and begged him to help me. I thank my lucky stars that I have the kind of GP who actually listens. He let me sob and snot around his rooms for a bit and then laid out the plan for me. The first thing was that I needed to get blood work done to see if there was anything strange going on in my system. We discovered that my thyroid is limping along, as well as the fact that my body is not using sugar the way it should. My insulin and glucose are not speaking to each other, which means that any sugar I take in is not being used, but rather being stored. This also explains my constant craving for chocolate - the Doc says that my body is craving sugar for energy, so the minute it stores one amount of sugar it is begging for more. And last, but certainly not least is my metabolism, which he says is apparently in reverse.

I was so thrilled to hear all of this news I wept like a child again... Trust me, I know that sounds insane, but you need to understand the level of desperation I feel over my weight - so hearing that there is actually something going on with my system that is thwarting my efforts to lose the weight was like music to my ears.

So.. here is where we stand today..
I take one pill in the morning to kick-start my thyroid.
I take two pills a day to increase my metabolism and decrease my appetite.
I take another pill 30 minutes before each meal to help my body use the sugar (carbs) as energy rather than storing it.
I only eat low GI breakfasts
I have fruit mid-morning
I usually have home-made soup and a slice of low GI bread for lunch
and then I eat a normal dinner in the evenings, except I swap whatever carbs the boys are having with a portion of brown rice.
I also drink at least 2 litres of water every day
I cycle at least 5 days a week, and burn approximately 300 calories with each workout.
I alternate sprints and length training, but always stay above 35kms per hour and keep my repetitions above 90 repetitions a minute unless I am on warm up or cool down.
My heart-rate averages at 125 - 130 during length training and reaches about 145 during sprints.

So.. now that you have read all of that, if you still think that I am not trying, or that I eat too much, or don't exercise enough, or that I eat the wrong things, then please comment.. go on.. comment!

Edit: Due to so many people asking who I am talking about, I thought I would just clarify that it is not one person, but rather many people. For example, the lady with the red hair who works at the Engen shop on Mercury Street is always finding it necessary to comment on my shape since the birth of the boys...

* I dedicate this blog post to Tracey - we have hardly spoken before, and yet out of the blue there you were when I needed someone to just listen to me rant... not only did you listen, but you said things that both made sense and were worded in a tactful and kind way.. bless you for being such a sweet soul.. I hope one day I can return the favour.


Out there said...

I am soooo with you on this one... not only am I in the same boat as you from a health standpoint (ie Thyroid & Insulin) but as a single mom, I too am trying to juggle, health, weight and the demands of a family.

"Well meaning" people with suggestions of what I should eat, how I should exercise or what pills or surgical alternatives I should consider do nothing but make me feel 100 times worse about my "failure" to be a perfect size 10.

Vanessa said...

You go girl!!! I am SO with you on this one. I understand completely. I also have a thyroid problem, plus now, the high blood pressure, so it's a pilletjie here and a pilletjie there. I suppose the joys of getting older as well.

As for the love handles and tyre, well, I've grown rather attached to mine, so I think I'll keep them a bit longer.

Love your blog, stay in touch.

Ninnles said...

Hear, hear girl! Been there, am there, don't wanna be there anymore.