My bum has no purpose

Stuff my 3-yr-old says:  

 Me: Daniel, did you make a stinky?

 Daniel: No Mamma, my bum is quiet. you did it!

 Me: I am a lady Daniel, ladies don't poop

 Daniel: Then what is your bum for?



Missing you...

I miss you every day... I hope you are blowing out your candles in heaven little one

Love Mommy

xxx

On days like today

Missing you so much today.. will the wound ever heal?

For Jorga

For my daughter on her day...

You are in my heart today and always..

It hurts too much to write today...

Photo Friday

 This is the mask Caleb and Zel made for Caleb to wear to school today - they all had to make one.. and I am not very creative.. Last year's mask was a disaster...lol.. This child is snake crazy.. and I mean CRAZY!  The mask is really awesome don't you think?

 The terrors..pretending they are sleeping so they can give me a fright..lol.. sweet little things!

This is what BabyBear looks like when he is really asleep.. how cute is this pose?

Am I the only concerned parent?

Caleb was just 2-years-old when a paediatrician - after having known my son for less than 10 minutes - suggested that perhaps he is hyperactive and a possible ADHD sufferer.  He then went on to mention that he would happily prescribe Methylphendate (Ritalin) for us so that we could get Caleb's hyperactivity under control!  I was shocked and disgusted at this to say the least - and I told the Doctor so before leaving his office never to return.

Now... lets just lay out some facts before I continue this post:
1.  I am a firm believer that there are true ADHD sufferers out there who absolutely need the medication.
2.  I was diagnosed with ADHD in high school and took Ritalin for 2 years.
3.  There is no doubt in my mind that the Ritalin helped me - I went from being an average student to an A student in a matter of months.
4.  Should Caleb truly need Ritalin there is no way that Adam and I would deny him any kind of treatment that can help him.

However, having said all that, here is my rant....

Caleb is 5 years old.  He is a very active little boy - he loves nothing more than running around our garden, helping me in the garden, climbing trees, climbing the walls (literally) and riding his bike like a crazy freak up and down our driveway.  Caleb is very seldom still and taking him to shopping malls or such related places like restaurants, is often hair-raising for any brave adult in our family.

Adam and I are both aware that Caleb is hyperactive - his teachers are aware of - it is very difficult to miss!  Adam and I are also both aware that some form of help may be needed for him in the future, which is why we have had him at Play-Therapy for the past few months.  He has now concluded this therapy and we are going in to see the therapist on Thursday afternoon to wrap up his treatment and learn the way forward.

My problem is this...Since 1991 there has been a 500% increase in ADHD diagnosis and treatment with Ritalin.  There has been a 2000% increase in the prescription of Adderall and Dexedrine - two similar drugs to Ritalin that are used to treat ADHD.  Preschoolers medication (2 to 5-year-olds) has tripled since 1995.

There have been no definitive studies on the long term effects of such Psychotropic medication in preschoolers - Say What??? 

As I mentioned earlier, I completely understand that there are definite cases of ADHD, and that these children need any help we can provide to over-come these often debilitating symptoms.  Surely though we do not need to be giving our preschoolers such strong and stimulant based medication?  They are still babies for goodness sake, and if we start drugging them this early, what will the long term effects be on how their brains function in later life.  A child's synapses only stop learning how to function at approximately age 3.. So giving these types of Psychotropic medication to a 2-year-old could significantly alter the way the brain works.

Yes my son is hyperactive.. yes he has trouble sitting still and colouring in for hours on end, but since when is this a negative thing in a young child?  My son is very intelligent (all his tests have proven this), he is very inquisitive and extremely enquiring.  He would rather be running in the garden than watching TV - why is this considered a "bad" trait?  I was under the impression we should be encouraging young children to run around the garden rather than sitting in front of "The Box"? 

Caleb may not be the best puzzle maker, or the best at colouring in, but put him in a sport environment and he thrives!  Only last week his coach at school called me aside to inform me that a couple of the children are being advanced in February to a higher group due to the fact that they are far too advanced physically for their age group and would benefit from being in a sporting group with the next age group.  Caleb is WICKED with any game that involves hand-eye co-ordination.  Tennis, cricket, soccer and skipping are among his favourite things - last week I was watching him in his Action Ball class, and he was the only child who could do more than one rotation with the skipping rope.  Why are these things less important than being able to sit still for long periods of time?

Yes I know that he will need to learn to concentrate for longer periods as he gets older and his scholastic requirements increase, but I am extremely concerned that at 5-years-old this is being seen as a problem already.  I started school at 5 years old, and I could certainly not yet colour within the lines, write my own name or count to 70.  But children these days are being pushed faster and harder from a much younger age.

Our society seems determined to live in a "fast food" environment and we are dragging our children along with us.  We want quick fixes for everything!  Fast food, fast delivery, instant gratification... and I for one think we are doing a terrible disservice to our little ones.

My son is 5-years-old.. he doesn't get homework yet or even write tests.. so there is no way I am going to let some stuffy old paediatrician tell me that at this tender age I should be drugging him to make him sit still for longer.

Caleb my boy, you play to your hearts content... run, skip and jump!  Pretend to be a cowboy, pretend to be a pirate.. run with the dinosaurs... fly with the birds... paint your face.. scratch your knees.. destroy your shoes braking on your bike with your feet instead of your brakes...  Mommy and Daddy will be there every step of the way letting you be a child for as long as possible - safe in the knowledge that should the need arise at a much later date for you to have a little extra help with the crippling concentration needed to complete your education in this "fast food" world, Daddy and I will provide whatever it is you need to get the most from your scholastic career!

We love you dearly little free spirit!



You would think I would know better...

In January of this year I destroyed my left ankle - it was one of the most painful, not to mention embarrassing experiences of my entire life!  Ten months later, I still have marks on my ankle, and it is still not back to its original shape, but with a great many hours of cycling and taking it slowly, I am happy to report that the ankle is strong and healthy!  However, that is not the point of this post...

On that fateful day in January, as I was being wheeled into another exam room in the hospital, I vowed that I would never walk Caleb to school again.  I was convinced that "The Powers That Be" were giving me a clear warning that it was not meant to be...  Every time since then that Caleb has asked if we can walk to school I have made some silly excuse and avoided it like the plague..

Today I clearly left my brain asleep when I woke up... I agreed that we could walk to school.. dumb and dumber here we come...

It was a disaster from the moment the words came out of my mouth.. Firstly, it is meant to be summer here in southern Africa - today is anything but summery... There is a chill in the air and a fine mist falling constantly.. Oi.. what a day for a a walk!

Daniel was not cooperating at all - We are in the process of potty-training with him, and he is doing exceptionally well, however, I was a little hesitant to walk all the way to the school without him wearing a diaper - it was at this point that the entire expedition was doomed to failure!  After many attempts to dress Daniel failed dismally, I eventually managed to bribe him by allowing him to wear his Lightning McQueen T-Shirt (this boy is McQueen crazy!).  Due to the rain and chill in the air, I insisted that he wear a light-weight sweater over the shirt..  Naturally this was a stupid move on my part, as what is the point of wearing Lightning McQueen T-Shirt if your idiotic mother is going to cover it with a sweater???  I mean really, what was I thinking???

This then erupted in a tantrum to end all tantrums!  It goes without saying that I am a seasoned tantrum-ignoring-mom... Caleb was very skilled in this art; Daniel takes it to a whole new level though, and by the time I was ready to curl up in the foetal position and whimper while repeatedly smacking my head against the floor, Daniel was in full swing!

The problem, was that normally I would just completely ignore him until he calmed down and stopped screaming at me, however, Caleb needed to get to school and the clock was ticking...   We walked out the gate with Daniel in full scream...

He performed and yelled all the way to the school and back... people driving along were staring at me... Mothers were giggling at my distress... and it was the final nail in the coffin for walking to school..

Never again I say.. never again!

It's the price you pay...

As most of you know, Caleb is having a few troubles, issues and things at the moment.  We are trying everything we can think of to help him.  One of the things we firmly believe in is that Caleb needs to be in a school where he receives special attention - now.. here comes the problem...

Caleb is in a private school.  We believe it is one of the best schools in our area and we love it.  The thing is, Caleb's school is rather expensive.  On the plus side, there are only 18 children to a class, and each class has a teacher and a teachers aid, which means that Caleb gets personal attention and the teacher is not over-worked - which means that she is able to pick things up as soon as they appear.

Take Caleb's current "troubles", she noticed at almost the same time we did that something was up... that there was something going on..  So based on that, Adam and I firmly believe that we have Caleb in the right school.. the problem is that their fees have increased by 27% for next year.  Now don't get me wrong, we understand that everything is going up.. but 27%??? Its insane..

If you take into consideration that Daniel will start school next year sometime, and I am still not pulling my weight financially in the home, this is leading to quite a few sleepless nights for me...  We have been considering that we may have to move him to a different school for 2012.. The headache is, where do we send him?  A few people have mentioned the names of one or two other "good" schools in the area that are far less expensive, and Adam and I have been looking into it.  However, every school we consider has between 35 and 50 children per class with only one teacher...

Only one teacher for that many children means that Caleb may slip through the cracks... and if that happens, who knows where we will be by the teenage years. 

Caleb is extremely bright... we have known this for a while.. In fact, we have been told it by many different people - most of them the Doctors and Specialists we have been taking him to recently to try to figure out how to help him... Children of Caleb's intelligence are sometimes misdiagnosed with ADHD because they are unable or unwilling to sit still and do the same repetitive work over and over...

Our latest specialist, who Caleb saw an hour or so ago, was testing his eyes, the health of his eyes, as well as any neurological issues with the eyes to try to determine if perhaps he is struggling with converting what he sees into something he can understand.  She told me that Caleb's eye-sight as well as eye-brain development is advanced for his age.  She also asked if we are aware that Caleb is a very bright child, and have we considered that he may be misdiagnosed with ADHD... I laughed...

She also asked me if we have considered kitting out our garden to better entertain him and keep him stimulated.. I laughed at that too... You see, our garden is really geared for children - we have a HUGE trampoline, ropes hanging from the trees (it looks like Monkey World), swings, a large jungle-gym, a sand-pit and numerous other play things.  He has a skateboard, a weird modernised looking skateboard, a couple of bikes and a section of the garden specially designed for him to play with his toy snakes and things.. so yes, I think our garden is a pretty good haven for an active boy.

So I am not sure where we go from here... Next week he will be having his ears tested to ensure that there is nothing going on there that could be causing his headaches etc... but other than that, I do not know where to turn..  And on top of that, the worry over the cost of his school is enough to age any parent before their time..

I guess all things work out the way they should... I just hope that this one works out the best possible way for our Special Caleb...

Caleb's EEG

Caleb's Doctor, for a few reasons, wanted Caleb to have an EEG to check for anything "strange".  We had to keep him up until 23:00 last night, and wake him by no later than 04:00 this morning.  We were also not allowed to give him any sugar, and were only allowed to give him a really small snack when we woke him this morning!  The theory behind this is that if there is anything strange going on, you are more likely to pick it up when the brain is under stress...

Needless to say last night was fun and games for everyone in the house!  At around 22:00 last night Adam, Caleb and I were playing soccer in the garden.  Caleb was absolutely zonked.. he was saying crazy stuff and not making much sense at all..lol.. poor baby!  The picture is of him at 04:00 this morning.. eating his one allowed piece of toast!

The good news is that the Doctor says that from the initial look of the test, there is nothing that we need to worry about - they will give us a more detailed report when we go back on Monday.

Yay!

Daniel's 2nd Birthday

 Sweet Birthday boy just before we woke him!

 Adam leaves very early for work, so it was a 05:00 wake up call for presents

 Nothing like a brothers love

 Cake for breakfast is a tradition on the boys' birthdays.. was difficult to swallow at 05:00

 My three boys

 Eish it was a long day!

 Mathew and Ruth's baby girl Heather.. what a pretty little thing

 Adam with his "dont do that face"

 Halloween came early

 Ruth - Mathews wife and a very good friend!

 Lizelle - One of the most selfless people I have ever met..

 Adam's cousin Megan

 Adam's Mum

 My Mum

 Adam's cousin Michelle and her family

 The boys' 2nd cousin - beautiful girl!

lol.. He doesn't look sure about this cake thing!

Play dates, 100's & 1000's and chaos!

Caleb had a friend over from school for a play date yesterday! Holy moly it was chaos...  All children love to bake...  So.. in a moment of madness, I thought it would be a good idea to let them make cookies.. and the truth, is that they had so much fun.. and so did I.. but I doubt my kitchen will ever be the same!

 

A little bit of what you like...

Firstly... I know I have linked this blog before, but I love her.. she is one of my favourite bloggers to read simply because she always causes a reaction of some sort in me, be it to make me think or to make my morning coffee come out my nose with the first true laughter of the day..so please check out her blog!

What else... umm... well I thought I would give you an update on family matters.. seeing as I have not done that in a while..

Daniel - Sweet little baby-bear..  This child amazes me everyday, as I have mentioned before, Daniel's command of the English language is incredible!  At 23 months he uses words like delicious and exhausted - not only does he use these words, but his enunciation and inflection are darn near perfect.  Daniel is still eating like a horse, and growing at about the same rate too - one thing I never have to worry about with him is his nutrition.  When Caleb was younger, his nutrition was a constant battle as he was not keen on eating.. Daniel is more like a hoover...and I love it!  We are also in the early stages of potty-training with him - this is not our doing, but rather his.  I know that he is slightly young for it, but he is showing us all the signs of being ready.  He is very interested in the toilet, and will frequently ask me to take his diaper off so that he can go potty on his own.  I am in no rush however, and am just letting him do it at his own pace.  We are struggling to get Daniel off the bottles, and I know that this is almost a pre-requisite for successful potty training.. he is rather hooked on his - he uses it as a "blankie" more than anything else.  I am rather calm this time round though, and am not forcing the issue.. I am just slowly and gently limiting his use of the bottle if and where I can.. I know that he will let it go with a mixture of help from me and maturity from him.. all in good time..

Caleb... brave.. strong... turmoiled Caleb!  I sometimes believe that Caleb is just too far ahead of himself.  He has been identified many times, and by many different people as an Indigo child.  Now, while I recognise that this term is highly controversial, let me just say that Adam and I are both staunch advocates that too many children are labelled with ADHD or ADD these days.  We both feel that parents and doctors are far too eager to label children with this illness and then administer drugs, rather than to find a way to help the child without turning them into zombies.  Having said that, let me just make it perfectly clear that we know that there are very real instances where a child genuinely has ADHD and requires medication, we just believe that it is used too easily these days as a means to control and subdue wilful children.  Right, now that we have cleared that up, lets get back to Caleb..  As I mentioned in this post, Caleb has been having some difficulty at school - this is also now spilling over into home life.  Without going into too much detail, we have just felt that Caleb is struggling a bit, and we do not seem to have the right tools, or the right "map" on how to help him.  So, after much deliberation, as well as consultation with trusted friends, family members and Caleb's teacher, we decided to send Caleb to a Play Therapist.  This is someone who is a clinical psychologist, but who specialises in children.  The therapist we chose is a lovely lady who I was actually in school with, but we did not realise this until we met her.  We were referred to her by another parent (who we trust implicitly) and who is sending her daughter to see this therapist.  Adam and I want to try and help Caleb before he gets older and it becomes a real problem.  If we can find a way to reach him now, and in turn allow him to reach us, then we can build trust rather than resentment - we believe that this is critical in his early development so as to avoid larger problems in the future.  Anyway, Jo (the therapist) is one of the people who has told us that Caleb is an Indigo child - and this is one of the reasons we like her so much!  She is trained in the science of psychology, but she is also a believer and follower of alternative and holistic healing - which means that she is open to whatever avenues the child may need, rather than just medication!  Caleb has been for 3 "play dates" with her so far, and he loves it.. and she has picked up in 3 sessions things that we have not told her.  I am very hopeful that she will help us find a way of making it easier for Caleb to be understood, and therefore less frustrated all the time.

Adam - Ahhh.. what can I say about this man... (that won't get me into trouble tee hee hee)!  Work is really heating up for him at the moment and my usually laid-back husband is taking some strain - add to that the fact that his wife has been causing him all kinds of headaches lately, it is a wonder the poor man has not been carried off to the funny-farm - although the jury is still out on that one, because anyone who has been in my house at suicide-hour will know that our house is very much like a funny-farm.  I am still in the process of trying to persuade my husband to take up cycling with me, but I don't think this is going to happen... For starters, the other day as I walked through the house, I caught Adam looking at the bike as if it had been spawned by Satan himself.. so I am getting the idea that I will be cycling alone.. or at least not with Adam lol!

Me... ah well, the family grapevine has been doing a good enough job of telling everyone what is going on with me, but for those not in the know, I will elaborate.  Almost three weeks ago now I was arrested for a DUI.  It was past midnight and I was driving home with a friend.  The legal limit in South Africa is .28, I was at .45.  I had had two drinks - I thought you were allowed two?  Turns out you are only allowed one..  Anyway, I was pulled over in a regular road-block - it is not like I was all over the road, or caused an accident...  So they pull me over, and because I was driving someone else's car, and my licence was in my car, I red-flagged myself... So they take me over to the van to check my ID number and breathalyze me.  Needless to say I failed and was subsequently arrested.  I was arrested with tons of other people that night and we were all thrown in prison.  Due to there not being a detective on duty when we were brought in, we were forced to spend the night.  It was a very traumatic event, the details of which I am unwilling (for a number of reasons) to share here.  I was released on the Saturday morning and appeared in court on the Monday.  All the charges against me were dropped and life goes on.. enough said..

Even just recalling the event in such minor detail here for you is enough to make me feel agitated and snappish.. so based on that, I will end this post now and go and hop on the bike... A brisk 20 - 30km cycle should clear out some of the agitation!

hi ho hi ho, its off to cycle I go..

Wordless Wednesday - Caleb's 5th Birthday Party