Gay did it again...

Now it's the gays fault that Marikana happened??? We should have known we would get the blame... lol... well.. it's either us or Satan.. oh wait.. we are a product of Satan.. Gay Jumper Demons and all that...

Pastor Errol Naidoo from the Family Policy Institute
"Abortion-on-demand, driven by radical feminist activists and the homosexual agenda, lie at the heart of the culture of death. These anti-family groups are responsible for population decline ... There has been much hand wringing and recrimination about the Marikana [tragedy]. But when human life is diminished in the womb, that callousness will find its way into the national psyche."

My bum has no purpose

Stuff my 3-yr-old says:  

 Me: Daniel, did you make a stinky?

 Daniel: No Mamma, my bum is quiet. you did it!

 Me: I am a lady Daniel, ladies don't poop

 Daniel: Then what is your bum for?



Top 10 Tips - from Lesbians to straight men

WARNING:  This post contains language and terminology that sensitive readers may find offensive.  Discretion is advised.

This post has been a long time coming.. but I am finally at the point where I think that a certain "group" in society really need a little help in looking less like idiots... so here goes:

This list is my Top 10 things straight guys should avoid saying to LESBIANS and why they should be avoided.

1.  I am also a LESBIAN

Dude, while you may think this a hilarious way to break the ice with a LESBIAN, I can assure you that we find it rather annoying.  Firstly, it is a sin against nature for anything with a penis to call themselves a LESBIAN.  Secondly, it may have been funny the first time we heard it, but after the 6000th time it is just rather a yawn for us, and we pretty much know every straight guy on the planet is going to say it to us at one point or another.

2.  How can you call it sex without a penis/penetration?

This one makes me want to slap you on the forehead just to see how quick your reflexes are!!!  Dumbass!!!  Just because there is no penis, does not mean there is no penetration, and any man who is stupid enough to ask this question is mocked and laughed at by LESBIANS everywhere... because it is thinking like this that makes it so much easier for us to lure your sisters into our beds..  No wonder there are so many un-satisfied straight chicks in the world, when so many straight men believe sex is about penetration.

3.  You just have not had the right penis yet

OMG.. this one never fails to get the response of my jaw dropping on the ground.  This happens sooooooo many times.  I will be in a pub and some guy is hitting on me.  Usually I will try to dissuade him gently, however, if the message is not getting through, I will usually respond with "Honey, you are just not my type, but if you introduce me to your sister..."  It is around this point that it dawns on him that I am gay.. and 9 times out of 10 they will then make the comment that no woman is truly gay, we just have not had the right penis yet... implying that I should try their fabulous specimen.  And it is usually around this point in the conversation that I ask him to picture himself having sex with the barman, and as the would be suitor gags on the thought, I point out that I feel pretty much the same at the thought of having sex with the barman.

4.  Who is the man in the relationship?

There is no man in the relationship dumbass... that is the whole point!  Now, granted, it may look to you like one woman is dominant in the relationship, but just because one of the women does not wear dresses and make-up, does not make her the dominant partner, it is just her personal choice when it comes to her appearance.  This does not however always roll-over in to the bedroom.  Have you never heard the term "butch in the streets and femme in the sheets?"  If not, I would be happy to explain it to you.

5.  Can I join in?

I know this may come as a shock to you, but if we wanted a man to join in our sexual escapades, we would pick one of any number of salivating gentlemen.  Also, if we wanted a man in our bed, this would technically make us bisexual and not LESBIAN.  While there are gay women out there who once in a while dabble with the opposite sex, we more often than not do not appreciate this offer.  If we want you in our beds, we will make the move...  So you should live by the rule that if we don't ask we are not interested.  And just to make it clear, I am not one of these women who dabble across the bridge - I burnt the bridge when I crossed over.

6.  Can I watch?

There is absolutely nothing appealing about letting a man watch me make love to my girlfriend... I know this also may come as a surprise to you, but fantasising about you getting an erection whilst watching me bring my girlfriend to orgasm is more like a nightmare than a sexually stimulating thought.

7.  Prove it!

This one is just so stupid it usually just makes me turn around and walk away without even responding.  It really does go hand-in-hand with numbers 5 and 6.

8.  It is such a waste that a woman like you is gay

In the words of a very clever LESBIAN I know, "As if we were put on this planet purely for the pleasure of men!"  I promise you that me being gay is seen as a beautiful thing by other gay women.  The only waste was the oxygen you stole from the planet to make this idiotic statement.

9.  If you like butch women, why don't you just date a man?

Listen dumbass, this one usually makes me ask you if you went to special school???  A butch woman is still a woman - and it amazes me that I have to explain it to you.  There are all different kinds of women on this great big rock, and just like you may have a personal type that you are attracted to, so do I.  I am not generally attracted to femme girls - While I can appreciate that they are sexy, beautiful or attractive, they usually don't get me all hot and flustered.  A tomboy, or butch women is a completely different story.  I love the way their strength swirls around their softer sides.  A butch woman may look all tough and masculine on the outside, but I promise you that in private she is all woman, and she knows and understands my needs in a way that only a woman can.   She may be wearing biker boots and a button down shirt, but underneath the clothing her skin is soft and her curves are in the same places as mine.. you do the math!

10.  Are you sure?

WTF?  Are you sure you shouldn't sit down before you hurt yourself thinking so much???

So listen up boys, the next time you meet a LESBIAN and are tempted to say one of the above... rather don't!  Just keep your dignity and ego in tact and either change the subject or try your luck with someone else, because with us you are just flogging a dead horse when you continue to buy drinks for a woman who was clearly not interested the first time you used your "tried and tested" pick-up line.

Times.. they are a changing...

Ok people.. I know it has been forever since I have written.. there is a very good reason for this.  Some of you who are involved in my personal world will already know what I am about to say.  For those who know me only through this blog.. brace yourselves.

The reason I have not been here in so long is because I have been through a metamorphosis in the past 18 months.  All my readers will know that I have been struggling with demons for over a year.. a few of them.  And while some of them are still with me, and probably always will be, I have laid one to rest.

The demon that I have laid to rest is my sexuality.  My whole life I have lived as a straight woman, while all the while being aware that I have an interest in woman....  It is no longer just an interest.  That's right people.. I am gay.  GAY... completely homosexually oriented.  I know, rather a shock right?  It has been rather a shock for me too (not to mention for my family and friends), but the truth is, when I look back, the signs were always there.. I just wasn't paying attention.

So where I stand now is that Adam and I are divorcing.  This has been such a devastating year for both of us, but the way he has handled it has proven to me over and over again that I chose him as my husband for very obvious reasons.  His maturity, love, compassion and above-all his never-ending defence of me to people who were less than accepting has earned my eternal gratitude and respect.  He is the father of my children, the person I have spent all of my adult life with, and the man I will love until the day I die.

Having said that... I can no longer deny who I am .. nor do I want to.  On top of that, Adam deserves so much better than I can now offer him.  We will always be in each others lives - not only for the boys, but because he is incredibly important to me and I want to walk the rest of my life with him at my side.

I have lost more friends and family than I originally thought I would.. And yet, the people who have stayed at my side, as well as people I did not expect support from, added to the new friends I have made, are providing me with a support system that carries me through the dark days.

There is much I need to tell you.. but this is enough for one day...

I am back.. and I am dying to write about so many things.. I hope that you will continue to walk my path with me.

The only man who can get you into Heaven...

Ok.. so it has been a while since I have posted anything political.. that is due to the fact that nothing has grabbed my attention enough that I feel I need to write about it or my head will explode.. However, that has now changed..  This post has been bobbing around my brain for a few days, but due to my
preoccupation with my own drama, it has had to wait until today...

As you all know, I have been battling demons in recent months, and one of them is whether I am a good person or not.. Am I going to heaven or hell?  This question has now been answered for me.. I have a fool-proof plan of how to get into heaven.. All I need do is become a card carrying member of the ANC.. As long as I vote ANC from this day forward I will go to heaven - no matter anything else that I may do in my life!

How can I be so sure you may ask.. Well the answer is simple, a few days ago, Jacob Zuma (South Africa's President), said to supporters in Mthatha in the Eastern Cape: "When you vote for the ANC, you are also choosing to go to heaven. When you don't vote for the ANC you should know that you are choosing that man who carries a fork...who cooks people... "When you are carrying an ANC membership card, you are blessed. When you get up there, there are different cards used but when you have an ANC card, you will be let through to go to heaven."

Say What???

I wonder what God thinks of this?  I trust that he has his membership to the ANC paid-up.. otherwise he may be facing eviction.. Interesting concept. 

Another interesting question is who will be standing at the Pearly Gates.. hmmm... Could it be Saint Julius Malema?  Now wouldn't that be something?  I wonder if he knows he cannot have his mansion, fleet of cars and Rolex at the gates.. or perhaps because he is a member of the ANC he will be allowed to take these with him?

To all my international readers.. you have been warned.. Pay your membership to the ANC or you will be cooked by the man with the fork!

Amen!


Say What?

Wordless Wednesday

What is wrong with this picture?

Stupid is as Stupid does....

Stuff my child says..

Caleb (4-yrs-old): "Mom, those girls look like sexy mamas!"

This in response to seeing 6-year-old girls in ballet gear...

Open mouth insert egg...

This is the link to a blog-post I recently found on a South African blog. The post deals with an article that was written for a South African running magazine. The article discusses the long standing question of whether the eggs being sold in South Africa as "Free Range" are actually free range. The author of the article (who in my opinion should have the word moron branded on his forehead) Matthew Kadey, advises readers that in the absence of proof that these eggs are indeed free range, we should all buy "regular eggs" - translate that into exactly what it means, and he is advising us to buy battery eggs.

So Matthew Kadey, moron extraordinaire, advises we should buy eggs which we know are produced under dodgy circumstances and clearly in an inhuman and unhealthy manner rather than buy eggs which may or may not be free range. Does this silly man not realise that the more we support battery produced eggs and chickens the more they will flourish. It is the age-old concept of supply and demand.

Surely we should be pushing for more stringent laws governing this entire industry rather than giving up, sticking our heads in the sand and leaving it as someone elses problem?

It astounds me that a modern health and sporting magazine would support such ridiculous opinions.

Enough said...

Stuff my 4-year-old says..

Caleb: " I feel crazy as a woman today!"