A post of ramblings..

There are so many different things on my mind..

Firstly, there is Stellan - Stellan is 4 days younger than Daniel. When (http://www.mycharmingkids.net/) MckMamma was pregnant with Stellan, they were told he would not live to see his birth day. He was born healthy and whole and term. But he is now in trouble with his heart and I am struggling to keep going to his blog and to try to offer support when everytime I look at his sweet face I see Daniel.

Stellan's story has a number of different meanings for me. The first being that it could so easily have been Daniel. It makes me realise that every moment is precious and that you can lose it in an instant. My second thought is how much it breaks my heart that any mother should have to suffer what MckMamma is suffering - I find it extremely difficult to visit her site without thoughts of my own loss as well as what she possibly faces in the not too distant future.

Visiting these blogs, and commenting on them is very hard for me.. the tears often flow freely even though I try to hide them from Adam. There is a part of me that wants to stop visiting all these sick children because when we lose one it is devastating and it opens old wounds all over again. And yet I cannot stop going to them - the thought that always keeps me coming back is, "What if people had stopped giving me support in my time of need?" What if my support system had decided it was too difficult to be in contact wtih me? I would have been all alone in my grief and that would have been worse.. far worse.. So I keep going back, and I keep commenting.. and I keep crying.. tears of joy for ever little battle won (http://kayleighannefreeman.blogspot.com/) and tears of heartbreak for every little one lost (http://sagelawrenceeldredge.blogspot.com/). I, to this day, don't think the people in my life truly realise how much losing Jorja affected me.. and will affect me for the rest of my days on earth. Every day completed is brining me closer to my reunion with my little girl. I love you baby.

I have to stop typing now.. feeling too sad.. sorry for the sad ranting.. I am sure that after a good nights sleep I will feel better in the morning..

Over and out..

Watching him eat the box - priceless!

So, after spending most of the day at the Zoo, I did not feel like cooking this evening. Adam and I ordered sushi, but obviously Caleb was not interested in raw fish, so we took him across the road to KFC. Daniel had so much fun with Caleb's Kiddies box, he even got it on his head.. it was so funny. Of course I was not sure at all about how good it was for him to be sucking on this box, but I guess what doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

Caleb

A few recent pictures of Caleb - with his Uncle Sean's Pilots hat (I guess there must be a proper name for it, but I have no idea what it is..). The one of him sleeping is in the back of my car on the way home from school - he is wearing his Monkeynastix shirt - he was soooo tired from Monkeynastix that he fell asleep almost the instant I put him in the car, and stayed like that all the way home...

We are taking the boys to the Zoo today, will post pictures and stories later!